Friday, July 27, 2012


The thunder rolls... the sound echoes down deep within me.  The TV is on, but not loud enough to hide the sound of the rain pounding on the tin.  Depending on my mood, I love storms or hate them.  I dislike driving in them, and if I'm not at home I really don't care for them.  But tonight, as I sit here on my couch under my blanket, this storm is okay.  We need the rain.  Hopefully, this will help with the smothering humidity.  And this weather goes perfectly with how I'm feeling tonight.

Sometimes I'm just not sure about myself.  I'll be going along, full of joy and happiness, loving God and loving myself and feeling Pollyanna about life.  Then, in what seems like meer seconds, I'm at the bottom trying to dig myself out, only to find that every handful of dirt only covers me deeper.  Storms rage in my mind... Flashes of lightning highlighting all that is wrong and thunderous words of self-doubt drown out God's promises...

I'm at a place in life where change is definite and I'm realizing I'm not getting any younger.  It's hard when you wake up at 32 and realize that you're no longer a kid, you're an adult with responsibliites and maybe you've got false expectations.  Life isn't fun sometimes, and sometimes we find ourselves in a place where we don't know... surrounded by people we don't know anymore.  We grow... we become new, and it's hard to recognize the past.  Sometimes I look in the mirror and say, "How did I become this person?  Where did this girl come from?"  Fifteen years ago, when I graduated high school, I had dreams and hopes... and now those look different.

That's not necessarily a bad thing.  And realizing that not every story is going to have a happy ending is important.  We were put on this earth for one thing... to glorify God.  Sometimes, that's messy.  Sometimes, we royally screw up, and end up doing anything but bring Him glory. Sometimes, we get so caught up in how we think life is supposed to look that we lose sight of who is giving us life. 

But He's there.  And He's not forgot about us.  His dreams are bigger than anything we could possibly dream up ourselves.  He desires joy unspeakable and full of glory, even though all we have to offer is filthy rags.  He is real... even in the storms. Especially in the storms. We just have to stop letting the thunder and lightning distract us... because that's what the devil is trying to do.  Those lightning flashes and thunder roars deceive us from remembering that there is a rainbow after the storm... the Son will shine and our time here will be inconsequential as we embrace an eternity of security and love... with the One who never changes, and who loved us enough to die for us...

So if you're having one of those evenings, wallow with me for a few minutes... but then look up.  It won't be like this forever... and pretty soon those storm clouds will be moving out.  Instead of thunder, we'll be hearing a voice likened unto many waters, and the Son's light will be enough to radiate forever. 

"For I have loved you with an everlasting love..." Jeremiah 31:3- A love that lasts, even through the storms...

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