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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Do you love me, Mom?

Tonight as we were driving home from church, Caleb asked me if I loved him.  I had just gotten finished telling him what a delightful night I had had with him. I responded quickly with an "Of course I love you."  To which he replied, "Does God love me?  Even when I am bad?"  Whoa... where did that come from, little guy?  From the inane, human emotion that if I'm not good enough, noone will love me?  From feeling like love from someone has to be wrapped up in what I do, not from me just being?  From some inner sense of self that equates importance with action?  Heavy stuff for a almost 9 year old... and sadly, we don't grow out of it. 

I lose my temper and then feel like a failure. I can't say no, become overwhelmed because of all I am doing, and find myself cutting corners on the important stuff like reading my Bible and journaling, only to find myself miserable as I spiral downhill. I pick fights with Wallace and Caleb just because I don't feel good about myself.  All of these things can be considered "bad"... yet God loves me anyway.  Sometimes, even when I don't like myself.  I am confident that God loves us even when we are bad.  1 John 4:16, NIV "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."  GOD IS LOVE... He IS.  This means that He can't NOT love us, because love is Who He Is.  We KNOW and RELY... have you ever thought about where you'd be if not for God's love... I have, and it isn't a pretty thought. 

So, to answer Caleb's question... Yes, God loves you even when you are bad.  He doesn't like your behavior, but like any good Daddy, He's there to kiss and hug you after the spanking.  It's our job to in turn love HIm... the greatest commandment.  Love Him with EVERYTHING... heart, mind, soul, strength.  Thank You, Lord, for being love.  Help me to love You and those around me. 

Monday, September 26, 2011

What are you afraid of?

I've recently begun a book called What Women Fear by Angela Smith, and the author requested that we blog on our fears.  As I am somewhat new to the blog world, I thought this would be a good opportunity to put my fingers to tapping and join in on this linked up incourage community. I've got a lot I could say on this subject. 

What am I afraid of?  Snakes.  Bugs.  Dark nights.  Thunderstorms (although I am slowly getting over this one... nothing like sitting on my front porch and watching the God of the universe majestically light up the sky).  Driving in big cities.  But I'm thinking that these aren't the things that the author had in mind.  These superficial fears are things that many of us probably do fear, but I think there are so many more things on a deeper level. 

The fear of being alone.  That's a big one.  The fear of never being good enough. The fear of failing as a mother and failing as a wife.  The fear that one day, I'm going to do something and make God not love me anymore (even though this is impossible, because God is love and can never not love me... He just doesn't always like my behaviors).  All of these are irrational.  I think that is one of the characteristics of fear.  It is irrational.  It may begin as a small seed of something that is a reality, but we blow it up and talk about it in our minds and it becomes as big as one of those California redwoods.  What is so bad is that at times, I can talk myself out of my fears, but then one small thing happens and I am right back to being that cowering woman hiding under the covers of her bed, wishing she could just stay there all day. 

But I think there is hope for each one of us.  I think that God has a plan for us, and it does not include a spirit of fear. That doesn't mean we will never  be afraid... but it does mean that we won't be paralyzed because of it.  So fear not, sisters.  I think we've got a breakthrough coming.  And if we are going to be full of fear, let's direct it one place... Fearing (respecting) the Lord.

Psalm 112:1

Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Someone once said that if you learn something new every day, it's been a good day.  (Ok, so maybe noone ever said that.  But they should have, because it's true).  I learn something every day- from my students, from Caleb, from all kinds of people.  Tonight, I learned about perserverance from some boys in blue.  Yep, from a bunch of scrappy teenagers who muscled their way down a football field when it looked like there wasn't hope for a touchdown.  What did I learn from this group of boys?

I learned that hard work really does get you somewhere.  I learned that family isn't just blood, but it's loving each other out on the field and taking a hit for your brother.  I learned that just because you make mistakes, you shouldn't quit. Instead, you should take these as opportunities to move forward.  I learned that community is important, and that being a part of something bigger than yourself is what really matters. 

None of these lessons are really new, but I needed a reminder just the same.  Sometimes it's easy to get down, to think that there is no hope.  A lot of times it's easy to make mistakes and then just quit.  However, I'm going to pull out that old cliche, quitters never win.  That was shown tonight on the football field, and is true for life as well.

Proud to be a Breathitt County Bobcat!