Saturday, October 1, 2022

Where I've Been

 It's been quiet around these parts. 

I've got a lot of words, but putting them together in a way that may make sense might be a little hard. 

I've been working and doing clinical and then in late July the world in my part of the country seemed to stop turning. 

Two months later, here I am, feeling behind and generally overwhelmed. 

Today I slept until noon. It was the first day that I had nothing to do. I don't say that to make me seem important, because some of those days were full of fun things, but I've not had much white space. 

Too much activity can be deadening to the soul, and I was feeling it. 

Even as I found myself thinking more about God, I found myself not taking the time that I needed to hear from Him. 

I kept asking Him to show Himself, but my brain was too busy going in a million directions to pay much attention. 

So after I woke up this morning, even though my to do list was long, I forced myself to just. be. still. 

I read. I watched a couple of sessions in a Bible study. I ate dinner with my husband and took a long, hot bubble bath and took another nap... which is why I'm sitting here at midnight wide awake. 

So much for a good sleep schedule. 

I have spent most of my life trying to do... to achieve... to prove myself worthy... and it's exhausting. Maybe you feel it, too? 

So today, as I was reflecting, I allowed myself time to just breathe. 

One of my favorite reflection tools is a journal developed by Emily Freeman based on her book, The Next Right Thing. One of the questions there today was: where do you feel most yourself? 

As I thought of these past few months, I realized that I'm learning to like myself a little more, just as I am. I'm becoming more transparent in my flaws. I'd like to think that helps other people. 

But where I feel most like myself is when I am sharing myself in words. 

So I realized I needed to start doing that again. Sure, I post on social media, but I need to commit to it. 

Because my words matter... and I truly feel that it's my gift. I can get so caught up in what other people are doing. We all have our own gifts. We all can do different things. I'm not organized and I'm not a leader... but I can write words that sometimes make connections and make others feel and think about where they are. 

So, I'm back. I'm sure life will get crazy and I'll be quiet again, but for my sanity this is something I need to do. I hope you'll join me for whatever that looks like.