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Friday, June 1, 2018

Return... A Five Minute Friday Linkup

This has been a season of new.

New job.

New home.

New people.

I started 2018 with a fresh desire to be a "new" me... a "better" me.

Here I am, starting my sixth month in, and I'm as far from that as I could be.

To say that new is hard for me would be an understatement.

To say that I'm good at adapting... well, I'm ok, I guess. I can do a lot of faking.

And in this season of "new", I kept telling myself not to look back.

As I saw all the blessings, I was reminded of the Israelites wondering in the desert. They were being fed manna from Heaven but all they could think about was the leeks of Egypt.

I felt that, as the teenagers would say.

So I pressed on and kept my nose to the grind.

Here I sit with a scraped up nose and a heart that's been hurting for a while.

In all my resolve to embrace the "new" and to get "better", I forgot the old.

Rather, I ignored the old... because I was a little mad at God.

I know, that sounds silly... but after all, isn't He sovereign? And yes, it felt (and still feels) like this is right where He wanted us. I have no doubt that my family was meant to be in Menifee County. At times it feels like home. The people have been lovely and Caleb has had a good year and we feel welcome...

but I have stayed homesick.

Homesick not for my home in Breathitt County, but for a home that is eternal.

Crazy, I know... noone ever said I was completely with it.

So, as this school year winded down and we came to the conclusion of this "new" year, I find myself in a serious funk... one I hesitate to share with anyone, because to look at us on the outside, we have everything that anyone would want...

but my temper tantrums and sulking led me away from God, and found me feeling more alone that I have ever been in my life.

So how fitting that this week's prompt was to return...

Turn back.

Not to a physical place...

but to a way of thinking.

Return to seeking Him first.

Return to time in His Word.

Return to joy and peace that only He can provide.

I hear You, Lord.

Here I come...

Linking up with Five Minute Fridays, where we write for 5 minutes on one prompt, no editing, not much thought... just writing.  This week's prompt? Return...

It feels good to be back.