Sunday, October 17, 2021


 Today I stood in the middle of a gradually changing cover of green and stared up at a blue sky. It's amazing how much better I breathe in the woods, even as I huff and puff up and down the stairs and hills. As we pulled into the parking lot today and I stepped out, I took a deep exhale. I'm not sure if the soil was loamy or not, but it sure made me think of that word as I moved up the trail. 

Staring up at that blue sky, I felt small, but in a good way. The world often tries to make us feel small in a million ways... that we aren't enough in however you want to define "enough". I've heard that lie, and I've internalized it. I often feel small when comparing my accomplishments to others, which is crazy.

Today as I hiked I thought back to a few years ago, when I was in the best shape of my life and trekking through the woods for 10 miles at a time was nothing. I was short of breath today after 1 mile...

so much heavier than I was back then, but honestly a little lighter in spirit. 

There's a saying that goes the greatest weight you can lose is the burden of carrying the expectations of others, and I'm slowly getting there. 

Often the weight we are carrying isn't even that of realistic expectation... it's what we envision in our mind that others think. 

And honestly, we can't live up to anyone's standards. 

There is always going to be someone prettier... smarter.... more put together... a better cook... a better Mom... you name it...

but friend, here me on this. I don't fully believe it yet, but everyday I'm trying to convince myself. 

Nobody can do you better than you. 

You were put here for a particular purpose, as was I. I'm not sure what mine is yet, and that's been an ongoing struggle. I've been processing through a lot of doubt and questioning, and as the answers slowly begin to rise to the surface, I know that it's a good purpose, and even though I am inherently selfish, I know that purpose is not all about me. 

Trusting God is a lot like hiking. You set out in the woods, on a trail that may or may not be the right one. Your feet get dirty. You may stumble and fall over a tree root. You may lose your breath as you start up a hill...

but He has gone before you and made the crooked paths straight. Often when we stumble or mess up or get turned around or short of breath, it's because we've stopped trusting and have wandered off on our own path. 

I'm notorious for doing this. Something "looks" easier and there go I....

only to be discouraged. 

True trust helps us throw off that weight, though... because He's the One carrying it. 

It's hiking with the best guide, who has all the essentials, and blazes your trail AND packs your water and snacks. 

And when we trust Him, it enables us to feel the best kind of small, just as I did gazing up at those trees today. 

Trust Him, friend, even when you don't know how. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one step at a time... 

Keep hiking. <3

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