Micromanaging Mama

This week, in the Online Bible Study I'm doing with Melissa Taylor, we read Chapters 5 & 6 of Karen Ehman's book Let. It. Go. There's been lots of good stuff in this study. I don't really relate to being a tin pot dictator, because my house is a mess and I'm okay with that, unless company is coming.  I've slowly learned that as long as there is a clean place to sit, and the toilets are clean, the rest of the house doesn't really matter, because they didn't come to tour my house, they came to hang out with good company.

However, Chapter 5 hit the nail on the head.  In this chapter, Karen talks about micromanaging our kids. At first, I thought, "That's not me."  After all, I'm dying for Caleb to play basketball, and he doesn't.  I don't freak out when he comes up with vests made from shirts he cut down the center or when he has so much hair gel in his hair he about stabs my eye out when he leans over to kiss me. (True story.... it almost happened. And it hurt.)

I see Caleb as how he is... unique, his own person, created by God in His own image, and fun to be around.  It probably doesn't help that I hear, "He is the sweetest kid."  or "He cracks me up." or "He is such a good boy." a lot.  Because that's where I started thinking about this whole micromanaging thing...

I've always been about what others think of me.  As a teenager, I never felt good enough.  I was shy and didn't talk a lot because I was afraid other people would think I was stupid, which just in turn made other peope think I thought I was better than them.  I've never wanted to stand out, but always wanted to be seen as good enough...

And this affirmation by others about how special Caleb is does just that.  Karen wrote in her book, "I wanted to control what they thought of me as a mom." That is so true for me.  I want Caleb to be well-behaved and respected because it makes me feel like I'm a better Mom.  I've had unrealistic expectations... maybe not necessarily in the way that Caleb dresses or his hairstyles or his friends or the activities he participates in... but he'd never know it by the way I quarrel.

"Hold your tongue. Bite down if you must.  Better a Mom's bleeding tongue than a son's battered heart."- Karen Ehman

All those times I've fussed and fought with Caleb over homework, or over things he's said, or him not doing something my way... It was more about my appearance than my heart.  Sometimes I'm overly critical because of my unrealistic expectations.

And it's not just Caleb.  I can be overly critical with anybody... holding them up to how I think they should act or what I think they should do or how. 

"A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."- Proverbs 15:1.  Anger. Resentment.  Grudges.  Stirs up... and keeps stirring up, as one bad word causes another and then another and it is a vicious cycle.  Sometimes, it's not in what you say, but in how you say it. Tone.  Inflection.  Portraying that they aren't good enough, or not important enough, or that you are too busy.

But a soft word, it turns away wrath.  Sends it in the other direction. This means it opens the door to love, kindness, peace.

I need a good word... how bout you? 

And maybe I need to start with myself.  And Caleb Bates.  Because I'm sure blessed to be this boy's Mama.