Monday, June 18, 2012

My Ramblings... as if they mattered

Forgive me for being melodramatic... it's just one of those feeling sorry for yourself nights. 

I'm the girl who would rather curl up with a good book than walk into a big room full of people.  I'm not good at conversation, nor am I good at "faking" it.  It's obvious how uncomfortable I am... which only makes everyone around me uncomfortable.  Those movie scenes in the 1950s of the wallflowers? Yeah... that'd be me. 

The one who feels alone in a crowded room.  The one that smothers and can't catch her breath when faced with social situations. The one who is always fighting back tears...

Miserable?  No... I wouldn't describe it that way.  Just lonely.  Unsure of how in a world full of sunshine and happiness and community that I am so bad at it...

But it's not a world of sunshine and happiness and I'm not the only one who isn't any good at it.  There are more marriages ending in divorce and more families who are losing kids to drug abuse and more people who just give up.  We live in a world of trouble... and of feeling alone in a crowd. All of our facebook and twitter and Iphone games and blogs and texting just serve to separate us from one another.  We're good at "liking" each other and falling in love and sharing our good times... but only on a superficial level. 

Tonight I'm going to bed.  I'm turning off the computer even though I don't have all of my stats done, and I only have three days to do it in.  I'm unplugging my cell phone (well, actually I'm going to plug it in so it can charge for tomorrow) and am not going to check for notifications from anything.  Maybe if I can make it a habit others in the "community" can learn to do it, too.  After all, I survived a childhood with only a rotary dial phone... and no computer.  And back then, I even had people to talk to...


  1. Your "ramblings" are so heartfelt. I came across your blog by "accident" while googling the book, "I Used To Be So Organized"...I've signed up for Melissa's study and have been sort of following it, but haven't bought the book yet. I am such a procrastinator! Just want to thank you for your blogs. I need to get ready for work now, but just had to take a moment to thank you because for the last hour I have cried and laughed and SO identified with so many of your blogs. The Lord has given you a wonderful gift of being able to express your heart in word. Thanks for sharing Lauren!

  2. Thanks- glad you enjoyed! I was in a mood last night... but I think everyone gets that way sometimes. Hope you'll stop by again =)