My Being Brave

Yesterday I was brave. 

Maybe not brave to you... but like beauty, bravery is in the eye of the beholder.

I turned on the computer.  I logged on to the website.  I searched the classes and clicked the box and clicked submit.

I registered for a class...

that I had quit last summer.

I needed a break.  Spring semester was hard.  I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. I had my priorities mixed up and wasn't that great of a mother or a wife or a friend.

My life had become set around paper writing and article reading and I was just overwhelmed.

So I threw in the towel.

I picked it back up again yesterday.  I wanted to puke when I clicked that button, but I did it.

Because bravery is sometimes about picking it back up again, even when you're not sure.

My graduation date will be pushed back a year, at least... but that's ok with me. I'm in a much better place now.

I'm still not sure I'll be able to finish.  A research project still seems daunting, and statistical analysis has never been nor never will be my cup of tea.

But bravery is continuing on, putting one foot in front of the other... relying on faith and good luck and God.

Mostly relying on God.

And all the brave, shaking in their shoes girls say...

Amen and amen.

A big thank you to Annie Downs and her book Let's All Be Brave.  I read it as part of the bloom (in)courage.me book club.  I've  never thought of myself as brave, and still don't, really, but Annie's book made me think.  Over the course of the past few weeks, I've thought about true bravery.  Veteran's Day is obviously a great time to dwell on that... and following Lauren Hill's brave battle against brain cancer has made me think.  Last week, I watched a little girl that I love cheer on the sideline.  That same little girl's parents were told that there was a possibility that she'd never walk.  Bravely, she's faced surgery after surgery and looks fear in the face.  That is bravery... me, registering for a class?

But God thinks we are all brave in our own ways. Sometimes it is the heroic, over the top... and sometimes it is the pulling back the blankets and stumbling out of bed to face another day.

Brave...

Brave for taking another deep breath and brave for forgiving and brave for saying I'm sorry and brave for moving or staying where you are or writing or speaking or loving. 

I am not brave, but in Christ I can be unafraid. And  you can, too, sweet sister.