Forgiveness is for you

I'm sitting here on my couch surrounded by papers and file folders and pretty much being buried alive, or feeling like it, anyway.  I've had a rough week, and am not looking forward to the weekend.  However, I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about life in general because when I look around so many people have lives that just plain stink, and I'm fortunate.  On that note, though, life is hard no matter how you look at it.  We have good days and we have bad days and we have days that are just so-so.  This has been a bad week.  Not for any one reason, but I've just been really overwhelmed and emotional and feeling out of sorts.  So of course I'd have a mini mental breakdown last night at 3 AM...

I'm a worrier, and once I get something on my mind I dwell on it.  We laugh about my Dad doing this very thing... when Kami was getting ready to go to UK he made list after list and would question her endlessly about things.  And my Mom and I just laughed about my Grandma, her Mom, being worried over medication.  "When she gets her mind on something, " We'll say.... Well, it must run in the family, because my mind was on overload last night.

I got up and I thought and I thought.  I always imagine the worst in situations, and that's what I did last night.  I worked myself up in a state over something that has already happened and can't be changed.  So this morning, I made myself crawl out of bed a few minutes early and read my Bible, which I had neglected for the beginning of the week.  Kind of explains where my funk started at, right?  You'd think I'd realize...

So anyway, I read out of 1 Peter 3... the chapter that talks about wives submitting to your husbands.  Not what I wanted to read... but there was a verse that struck me.  You see, I'm having major trust issues right now, with everybody and everything. It comes from being insecure and overwhelmed and situational anxiety and blah, blah, blah... but I'm really lacking in that area.  It all goes back to imagining the worst in situations and in people.  So as I read this chapter, asking God what He could really be telling me, because all I need right now in the midst of my overwhelming anxiety, chaos, and confusion, is to submit to the crazy man I'm married to... "For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also beautified themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands, ⁶ just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children when you do what is good and are not frightened by anything alarming."-  1 Peter 3:5-6. 

Ok, Sarah called Abraham lord.  Now I don't see me calling Wallace lord, but I do respect him.  He's a hard worker and a provider.  What really stuck out to me, though, was the part about "Holy women who put their hope in God also beautified themselves in this way."  This is talking about having a meek and quiet spirit, being beautiful on the inside rather than on the outside.  These women could possess that spirit because their hope was in God.  In the King James Version, it talks about trusting God... when we trust God, we can trust others, even if we know they are human. 

Trust means forgiving others and letting bygones be bygones.  When you're mad at someone, or harboring discontentment against them, it just builds up and situations become worse and worse.  A lot of times, the other person doesn't even know you're mad, or doesn't care.  So forgiveness, really, is about clearing your heart of the garbage.  It's about you...not about them.  Even if it seems like it is something that is unforgiveable, we are to forgive.  Even if it is hard.  Maybe even especially in those situations.

When we forgive, we're supposed to forget.  Isn't it hard, though?  We think back to that thing and it haunts us... we grieve and it builds up and we can't let go.  And that means we aren't trusting God.  When we trust Him, we give it up to Him and He removes it from our radar.  It doesn't matter anymore...

Lord, I need You to help me forget.  I've forgiven, but my heart still hurts.  My feelings still feel wronged.  I trust in You, though, because in the end, You're all that I've got.  And Your Grace is Sufficient.