Saturday, November 21, 2015

Who I Am

I've been thinking a lot about who I am lately.

I really started pondering this after my three days at the Leadership Academy last month.  Every speaker talked about having a vision, knowing who you are, and being true to yourself.

I've struggled with that sometimes.

I may or may not have been in a panic because I had to describe myself in five words or less.

I can tell you a lot about what I do.  I'm a mom, a coach's wife, a teacher, a nurse, a student, a reader.

I can tell you a lot about what I'm not. Not brave. Not secure. Not sure of myself.

But to describe who I am, and a vision for myself?

I'm still pondering.

The last week or so on Facebook a quiz has been circulating... not really a quiz, but you give them access to your profile and they tell you what words you used the most in 2015.

I thought I could nail it.  I know what I've posted, for crying out loud.  I don't post negative things and try to keep the glass half full.  I try to be encouraging to others. I try to offer love and support.

I use my posts to point others to God and also to show how I'm just a mess.  I'm learning to be authentic, and a  lot of the time that means making sure others know that I'm a mess of a mama, a wife, but that even in the chaos, I'm a masterpiece in God's eyes- and if I am, they are, too!!! Throw in a little of basketball, a little of volleyball, a little of football, and a lot about reading, and that sums up my life... and my facebook posts. 


I took the quiz.

And I refused to share the results... because while all of my friends results had God or love or Jesus or family in the center... well, I didn't like mine.

Right there in the center.  I'm.  Me.  Really???

So I did it again.

There it is, again.  I'm, right in the center.  Which means that most of my posts are about myself.  Not a God or Jesus anywhere in the mix.

I was ashamed, y'all. 

And even though it's just a stupid quiz, it really is a true reflection of my person. There's Caleb, and read, and game, and today (I've been thinking a lot about living in the moment and appreciating today).

But here's what I've concluded.

I do write about me, because it's my facebook page. To often in social media, we paint the most rosy picture and show our highlight reels...

but I try not to do that. Again, I try not to post anything negative... but that doesn't mean I want y'all to think I'm perfect. And if you know me very well at all, you know I'm not perfect.

I'm a shy introvert who struggles socially, which is a challenge when you're married to an extrovert that can talk to a wall and make it talk back. I'm an insecure individual who isn't always comfortable in her own skin, but am trying to learn how to be...

And I'm trying to encourage others to do the same. We're all in the same boat.

And even though my most common word in that diagram is "I'm"... it's right below love.  Which is what I want my name to be synonymous with, anyway.  I especially like the middle one... Love, really, I'm.

Because without love, I'm not really me.

And even though His name isn't on there much, He's in me. 

And He's still working.

Thank You, Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. The center of my word cluster was 'I'm', too...and I didn't share it, for the same reason. How could I be so self-centered???

    But I went back over my most recent posts to see what I'd been saying.

    And it's November, so at least once a day there's a post that starts 'I'm thankful for...'

    Maybe "I'm" isn't as self-centered as I thought it was.

    But I still didn't post the word cluster. :-)