Saturday, May 26, 2012

Emptying My MInd

The blank screen stares at me as I'm trying to think about what to write.  Common sense tells you that when you've got nothing to say, then don't bother, but I did say I'd try to write every day and I'm doing pretty good... but there are some days when life just isn't that interesting.

Not that I've had a bad day... I've actually had a great Saturday.  Spent time with Wallace and Caleb, and also with my ball girls and my Mom.  Busy day... but a good one.  And I guarantee I'll be asleep when my head hits the pillow because Caleb's been keeping me up late and I've been getting up early. Two weeks into my summer break and I don't think I've slept past 9 AM once.  That has to be a record.

Anyway, while that blank space at the bottom of the screen fills with words I'm thinking about how life is sometimes like that.  We try to fill up what we've got because we're afraid of empty space... we're not comfortable being alone and we're not comfortable being in a crowd.  We schedule and plan and work and run and never learn how to just... be.  Sometimes it's okay to be empty, because that's when God can fill us up.  And sometimes in the midst of the chaos and clutter in our life, we lose a little bit of who we are (or a lot of who we are).  When we allow ourselves just to be... that's when He whispers to us quietly and we can actually hear what He has to say. 

As an introvert, I'm perfectly comfortable just being by myself, but even when I'm by myself I have to be doing something.  In this world of technology, I'm always on facebook or checking my email or playing Scramble with friends or looking on Amazon.  Heaven knows how much time I spend... wasted time.  When am I going to learn that time doesn't stand still, ever, but it is more likely to slow down when I slow down myself? 

I apologize to those of you who have read this far... this is just a quiet girl's rambling before she drifts off to sleep.  I've almost filled up the space in my little white box, so I guess I've satisfied the requirements.  Clearing my thoughts... working through them here, for you, does make me more empty... and I'm planning to fill up tomorrow with some "me" time, some family time, some hugs from Caleb (who said to me today "MoooooM." You know the tone, as in, "I'm around all these high school girls and I really dont' need your help because I'm trying to impress").  Sunday plans? Church, reading my Bible, reading my Kindle, going for a walk... and I might even time myself sitting still.  No computer, no KIndle, no cell phone, just me and this head of mine... and God.  Maybe if I'd learn to pour all this nonsense out to Him, you wouldn't have to listen... =)

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