Tuesday Tidbits (Volume 1, Edition 11)

This evening I managed to get in a mile before the skies opened up and the rain came. A couple of days ago I was walking and realized it was 0' dark 30 at 8 PM...  and then the next day Wallace told me he local mini-mart isn't selling ice cream anymore which means that summer really is over and there are no words for how sad that makes me. 

This quote made me think: "Grownups don't look like grownups on the inside either. Outside they're big and thoughtless and they always know what they're doing. Inside, they look just like they always have. Like they did when they were your age. Truth is, there aren't any grownups.." The Ocean at the End of the Lane

As I pondered, I thought about how often I had muttered the words, "I don't want to be the grownup." There's a meme on the socials that says something to the effect of, "You look around the room for the grownup, only to realize you ARE the grownup." And let's face it, most days adulting is HARD. Mostly, though, what I took away from this quote is that we are all little children inside. Every person you meet, no matter what their age, is most likely still a little scared and insecure. They are caring their childhood experiences, good and bad, with them, and we all sometimes revert to that scared little kid. Give a little grace when you encounter someone who rubs you the wrong way. It may just be forced bravado.

Later in the same book: "I do not miss childhood, but I miss the way I took pleasure in small things, even as greater things crumbled. I could not control the world I was in, could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but I found joy in the things that made me happy."

Not every kid gets a good childhood, and I fully recognize that... but childhood should be full of innocence. Kids are generally more creative, have a huge imagination, and are optimistic. They also tend to forgive easily. Each day, let's strive to let a little bit of that child out. 

In one scene of this book, the character talks about dowsing.  It made me think of my Papaw Barlow, who "water witched". He'd take two dousing rods (of a special kind of wood, I think, although maybe it worked with metal later? I don't know... I forget stories) and then move around property. At the site of water running underground, the rods would cross and they'd know where to dig for a well. I'm not sure how they figured out as much as they did back in those days, but I'm in awe. What's something your ancestors did that you're proud of? 

Overdrive and library books- Yes, I do have trouble keeping up with reading and no, this will not help me in that in any way but did you know that our local public library (and many other libraries) loan out books for your e-reader? It's like magic. You sign in with your library card, so some browsing or search for a book you want, and then have it delivered... at any time of the night. Amazing, right? 

Books I Read: 

Canada by Mike Myers

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman

What You Are Getting Wrong About Appalachia- Elizabeth Catte- "No need to write a sad book or platform yourself constantly, just run toward your friends when they need you." 

You need to try: 

the podcast pictured above. It reads a Psalm a day, and then provides commentary, and the voice is so very soothing. 

Have a blessed week, friends! 

Tuesday Tidbits (Volume 1, Edition 10)

Here it is, Tuesday again, and I can't hardly believe that. I also can't believe that tomorrow is the halfway point of September.  I've settled into a routine with school, but it's still overwhelming. Life in general is overwhelming. I'm sorry if you're tired of hearing that. 

With that being said, I am DETERMINED to learn to live in a way that is not an emergency. Life is too short to survive, and while I know it will never be pinterest perfect, I also know that we were made to experience life. 

Friday night I went to Billy Joel and introduced Caleb to some of the music of my childhood. Saturday I took a trip to Prestonsburg with him and ate at a Tex-Mex restaurant. I'm not a huge Tex-Mex fan, but the burrito Caleb had was as round as my arm, and it was nice to sit outside and eat while watching the sun set behind some Eastern Kentucky mountains. 

Books I've Read This Week: 

Kin

A full review at the end of this month but I'll leave you with this inspiration: 

 "My heart's deepest desire is that Kin will open the floodgates for dozens, even hundreds of memoirs from rural-born women who have spent years of their lives in churches and kitchens, who daily rise to the impossible task of negotiating their identity, power, and freedom. I pray for an embarrassment these riches, a deafening chorus of gorgeous, complicated voices loud enough to drown out the stereotypes and shame that have haunted our lives."- Kin, Shawna Kay Rodenberg

Let's tell our stories, friends! Especially those that others try to tell for us! <3

Psalm 23: Lesson From Sunday School (Volume 1, Edition 6)

 Today my cousin Jordan brought the message at church. He spoke from Psalm 23, one of the most familiar passages in the Bible. 

Sometimes, the familiar loses its power. 

We become almost immune to the words. 

He talked about how these words were depicted on cross-stitches and in paintings, of a meek and mild Jesus cradling a lamb, with a piteous look on His face. 

As He read through the passage from the KJV, I had the NIT pulled up on my phone. 

I quickly grabbed my journal I use for notetaking on Sunday mornings and jotted down the comparisons. I'll share below. 

Jordan spoke about the role of a shepherd and how he served a specific need. He reminded us that David wrote from an area of experience, as he was a shepherd. 

Sheep are not the smartest animals. They often wander off, they try to go places they are physically unable to reach, they can't even find their way in their own pen at night, for goodness sake! They are prone to attack by predators because they are so easily fooled. 

But the Shepherd is there to lead them, guide them, feed them, provide for them, protect them. 

He then specifically talked about how God made a table for us in the presence of our enemies. If you want to think in terms of sheep, it's like a sheep is grazing in a green pasture, and there's a wolf standing there salivating on the other side of a see-through fence. He's there, but he can't get to the sheep. Most likely, in the case of the sheep, they aren't even aware that the wolf is there, because they are in the presence of their protector, the Shepherd. so they can graze peacefully. 

We aren't quite like that. A lot of times I focus on my "enemy" (the obstacles in my way) and can't even enjoy all of the blessings God has provided. Jordan likened it to us actually inviting our enemy to pull up a the table and have a seat. I've been guilty of that. Too often, I allow my peace to be snatched away because I'm focusing on all that is wrong with my situation. Jordan reminded us that Jesus has never said, "I don't know." The enemy of our souls comes to our table prepared with lies- lies like the other table looks better, or we aren't good enough to sit at the table, or we aren't going to make it (how often have I felt that one in recent years???)... but our situation does not change God's promises, and He promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He goes before, protects from behind, and covers us under His wings. In this world we will have trouble but we are to take heart, because He has overcome the world. 

Read that again. YOUR SITUATION DOES NOT CHANGE GOD. There is nothing too big or small, nothing too hard, nothing too stupid, nothing too challenging. (See Romans 8)

He works all things for our good (Romans 8:28) for His glory. I forget that. I get focused on how bad the hard thing feels, and the next thing I know I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, just like a sheep that has wondered off.

How often have I been like a sheep gone astray! If you, like me, need a refreshing, take a few minutes to soak up these promises. And remember this. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, left the fold of 99 to save 1. That's you. That's me. 

Psalm 23- listen here to hear my favorite podcasters share Psalm 23. Or click here for a previous blog post on Psalm 23... but take a few minutes to read through my notes of the KJV and the NLT. Soak in His words. His promises. 

The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want (I have all that I need). 

He maketh me to lie down (lets me rest) in green pastures (meadows). 

He leads (guides) me beside still waters (peaceful streams)

He restoreth my soul (renews my strength)

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness (He guides me along right paths)

for His Names sake (bringing honor to His name)

yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (even when I walk in the darkest valley)

I will fear no evil (I will not be afraid)

Thou art with me (You are close beside me)

Your rod and staff, they comfort (protect) me

You prepare a table before me in the presence of mine enemies

You anoint my head with oil; my cup runneth over (overflows with blessings). 

Surely your goodness and mercy (unfailing love) will follow me (pursue me) all the days of my life

and I will dwell (live) in the house of the Lord forever. 

(Picture is from my HCSB translation Bible. I especially like the verse "He renews my life.")

Blessings to you, friend. <3

Tuesday Tidbits (Volume 1, Edition 9)

 I almost forgot today was Tuesday. 

Yesterday was the perfect Labor Day, other than I did have to work some on an exam... and I have my first quiz in Advanced Assessment this week, and a quiz in Advanced Pharmacology next week, and I feel so behind...

but I left it all at the house and went hiking at the Gorge with my best boys and Ellie. It had been far too long since I had stood under a blue sky gazing at a vast overlook... at least vast for these parts... and I was reminded why so many say that it's easier to breathe in the wide open. I question why I allow myself to go so long without it. 

When I went to bed last night I had good intentions. I  knew I'd have a meeting and I wouldn't get to exercise in the evening, so I set my alarm to get up early in the morning. 

And then I reset it when I got up at 5 to go to the bathroom. 

And then hit the snooze button. 

I started the day with good intentions... but somehow they didn't stay that way. 

As I've reflected all day about my life, I am thankful for the blessings I have, but I also know for whatever reason I am still struggling. This is a season of discontent. It's been that way for a while now, and the harder that I strive, the more uncomfortable I feel in my own skin. I feel like I'm shouting at the sky sometimes, but the truth is, I have stopped even whispering. 

None of this makes logical sense... except that it is all about what you put in, what you feed yourself, and for far too long my diet has been social media crap. 

Excuse my language... but I've realized that the nastiness affects me. 

It has made me question my faith. It has made me question who I am and what I believe. I see the posts that some people callously make, and I hope that they aren't the only Jesus somebody sees... and then I realize that the same could probably be said for myself. 

I don't profess to have all the answers, but I also know that we are each put on this earth for a purpose. I've not figured out exactly what mine is... but I think it has to do with words. I feel in my heart that I'm a writer, and that God means for me to write... but I keep on saying "yes" to things I have no business saying yes to. 

And that makes me ask what I want to say yes to...

Yes to spending more time with the most important people. 

Yes to fostering real life friendships (I need some help with this one!)

Yes to taking care of myself (my blood pressure was up everytime a student took it today during physical assessment. I weigh more now than I ever have... and some of it is physical weight.)

Yes to doing things that I enjoy. 

I want to start saying no to things that make me feel inferior, things that I feel like I "should" do for whatever reason. 

I started asking myself today "What do you know that is true?" in preparation for a sappy facebook post and I realized that honestly, I don't know much that is true. 

Our society feels like one fat lie. 

I know that God is truth, but honestly what I'm seeing out of some people in His church doesn't feel like truth to me, and that's a huge struggle for me right now. 

I do know that He says if we seek Him, He shall be found. I just think maybe that for the last few years, I've been seeking Him in the wrong way. 

Seeking Him by trying to prove how good I am. 

Seeking Him by reading the Bible to just get through it. 

And, if I'm honest, I've been seeking Him after I've been seeking everything else. 

So... as I begin this next year of Lauren's story, I'm recommitting... again. 

I'll still get it wrong. I'll still miss the point. I'll still be selfish. I'll still hit the snooze button...

but I'm learning that no mater what I do, I can't be perfect, and that's ok. 

There is truth in being who you  are, all the glorious mess...

So, happy birthday to me. 

Sorry this tidbit was a little heavier than normal. Thanks for being there to help me process through. 

Tuesday Tidbits (Volume 1, Edition 8)

 Been quiet around here the last couple of weeks as I've been adjusting to a new job, new classes, and trying to just keep my head on straight. There has been so much "heavy" stuff in our world, and my heart has been struggling. Due to that, I've decided to take a facebook break this week, and when I log back in, I'm only going to get on one day a week. I know it seems presumptuous of me to think that anyone even cares about that, but I do love my facebook friends. I've just got to learn to start loving my mental health more. 

Hurricane Ida has made landfall and we are getting rain, rain, and more rain here in Eastern Kentucky. Last night as I drifted off to sleep to the sound of rain on my tin roof I thought of all those still rebuilding from our flooding in March. I used to find rain peaceful at night, but now, as I empathize with those who spent nightime hours terrified, I can also see the sinister side. It's funny how our perspective can change. 

Speaking of perspectives, this weekend I spend a couple of days wallowing and honestly today I'm not feeling much better, but I know that it's all in perspective. I have decided (tonight, anyway) that I'm not going to get all caught up in what I DO. I'm just going to do my best everyday, minute by minute, hour by hour. I've been listening to The Next Right Thing podcast by Emily P. Freeman, and that's her premise.... what is my next right thing? So, starting tomorrow, that's going to be my focus as I go through the day... what is right in front of me. Not tracking. Not trying to be better than before. Not worrying if I meet a step goal or a writing goal or a reading goal... just doing it for what it is. 

But... I still have to track some things.. so... 

Books I've Read since the last time I wrote

1. Still Life by Louise Penny

A whopping 3 books for the month of August...

but new job. New courses. New classes for me. Reading for advanced pharmacology and advanced health assessment... so... grace. 

Give yourself some grace, too, friend. <3

Tuesday Tidbits (Volume 1, Edition 7)

Drink More Water

I have never been a water drinker, but I'm trying to do better. I've read that dehydration may cause migraines to be worse, and I drink way too much caffeine. I'm also trying to be a little bit more environmentally friendly, so when I helped Kami move I saw a water pitcher with a filter in her fridge and decided that's just what I need... so we purchased a Brita water filter pitcher and I have to say I love it! I fill up my water bottle before I leave, and then refill on campus at a water station. I've increased my water intake from 0 ounces to usually at least 32 a day (I know it's not great, but it's better than none). And I'm not drinking as much pop, either... 

Auto-save is REALLY the enemy- Technology is great, until it isn't. We use one-drive at work, and it has an auto-save feature, which you think would be great... but last week I was working on unit outlines using one as a template and when I came back in the next day they were all blank but one because it had autosaved as the last one that I had been working on. I learned my lesson, though... and turn auto-save off and also copy/paste the document into a new document before I start. 

If you're not talking to yourself, are you even being productive at work? 

I'm convinced the answer to this is a resounding NO! While I was updating the above outlines, correcting my mistake from the day when I erased them all, I had a full-blown conversation with myself... even providing answers. 

This week is the first day of classes for students. I have entered all of my teaching dates in to my calendar, and also all of my assignments for my NP courses. I'm a little overwhelmed, but one day at a time. I'm excited to be learning! 

What I Read This Week

This post is late getting written because I was determined to have something to put here. I just finished (literally ten minutes ago) the only book I've read this week- the second of August. 

1. Into the Water by Paula Hawkins

A lot of heavy stuff going on in our world right now. Saying a little prayer for you, my friend. Thanks for reading. <3

Lessons from Sunday School (Little Heavier Version Volume 1 Edition 5)

 Today I had a roomful for Children's Church. Aged 6 to 18, it's sometimes hard to come up with a lesson that meets all of their developmental levels. My heart is with the middle schoolers and high schoolers, I guess because middle school was such a hard time for me and then for the majority of my adult life I was tagging along behind buses full of high school girls. 

Today I taught from John 16:33, Romans 8, and Genesis 50:20. It's not your usual Sunday School lesson, but I want to share the main points with you today. 

We are living in what many consider to be a unique time, but we're told in Ecclesiastes that "there is nothing new under the heavens", so really we are probably going through the same things that generations before us went through; now we just have the technology and ease of information to take on the weight of the world instead of just our own little pocket. I do honestly believe we are living in "end day", because it seems the labor pains are growing closer and closer. More tragedy. More heartaches. More confusion. 

When I was young, I didn't want to think about living in the "end times". I can remember having a dream when I was in high school and waking up so scared. I had dreamed about the rapture, and saw people going up in the air, and I was left behind... but I also had conflicting feelings. I wasn't "homesick". I had things I wanted to do, and I didn't want to think about those things not coming to fruition because I was in Heaven. Selfish, hmm? Remember that's natural for a teenager... 

I also don't remember feeling overwhelmed like so many of our kids are today. Oh, sure, I was full of teenage angst, and was insecure, but I didn't obsess about worries. 

We are a worrying society. 

Jesus tells in John 16::, "In this world you will have trouble." Not too promising there, when you think about it. 

The heartache you're facing. The sickness you're loved one has just been diagnosed with. Your confusion about your life situation. 

You should have seen them coming.. but even though we KNOW we will have trouble, it doesn't mean we should allow these troubles to overcome us. 

Jesus goes on to say, "Take heart. I have overcome the world."

Before I was born, before any troubles came my way, Jesus overcame the world. And because He overcame the world, He allows me to be victorious in my battles. That doesn't mean that things will always work out as I want them to. It just means that I can have peace when I am troubled because He is my peace. 

I had everyone write down things that made them sad on a piece of paper. We then talked about how God can use those things for good, and how Joseph had many trials but it was for the saving of "many lives". I told them that they may not be able to imagine it now, but that all those things that made them sad can be worked for good if they love Jesus. 

Friend, you may need to hear that, too. Life is hard, and unfair, and we don't understand why bad things happen to good people. I don't understand the tension that is present when I think of God being in control but bad things still happening. Our world is reeling right now and I know it makes Him just as sad as it does me, but He has given us free will. We can't explain it, and it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I am trying to trust Him more. 

Romans 8:18, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Your sorrow, your troubles and trials, are temporary. As I type this, I'm reminded of an old spiritual we sang once in chorus, "Soon Ah I will be done with my troubles... going home to live with God. No more weepin' and a wailin'"'

I'm not going to tell you to make lemons out of lemonade or to make the most out of whatever you are facing. I'm not going to offer platitudes, because some of you are going through some heavy stuff. I am just going to tell you that Jesus knows. He loves you. And may you find peace in Him.