Givin' In

Today I came home and gave in.

Monday I started Weight Watchers. I know it'll be a challenge, because I am a picky eater and even though there are a zillion (ok, 200) foods that are worth 0 points, there isn't much on the list that I've considered edible.

Apples. I love apples.

But some of those foods- I wouldn't even know what some of those fruits look like.

And while I know in my head that they are good for me, I still struggle.

I like what I like.

I like sweet stuff and salty stuff, and I'm not big on texture.

A lot of those fruits and other foods on that zero point list are high in fiber, which means they have lots of texture.

It makes me want to gag.

And have I mentioned that salad tastes like dirt to me?

Y'all, I really, really want to eat healthy.

I do.  I know I need to for my life's sake...

but today I needed some chocolate chip cookies and milk.

As in they were calling my name.

The box on the counter almost jumped into my hand.

And the milk in the fridge may or may not have expired yesterday, but it still smells good, and I need to get rid of it since it's expired, right?

So I crumbled up some cookies in a bowl and poured that cold milk over them. I let the cookies soak until they were just the right consistency, kind of crumbly, but full of chocolate chip goodness, and I ate my treat.

This weekend I'm going to go shopping for some good food. I'll resolve to try at least one new thing every day and to try to force myself to stick to my points because I know it'll be good for me. And if I'm willing to do the work and stick to the plan, it'll be worth it. We can train our palate...

At least that's what I'm trying to convince myself.

But since I enjoyed those chocolate chip cookies so much, I'm also going to remember that I'm not perfect, so a slide every now and again won't kill me. It won't help me, but it won't kill me.

Unless I give in every day to the stress eating, which is why I craved those chocolate chip cookies so much this evening. It's funny how you don't ever want something until you can't have it.

So many times I don't think I'm hungry- in fact, I know I'm not hungry... but I'm working on something and need a salty bag of chips to go along with my work.

I know what I need to do. It's just a matter of making myself actually put it into play.

So hopefully this weekend I'll have time to peruse my weight watchers book and try to think about what I can have to eat that keeps me within my point budget.

And then I need to remember to actually record what I eat, when I eat it.

I think even if I'm just more conscious about what I eat it will help. And also more conscious about when I eat... as in, when I'm stressed or overwhelmed, or bored like I was during the snow days (even though I had TONS of stuff to work on!!!)

And I'll have to train my mind to NOT think about nachos loaded with cheese and chili and red velvet cheesecake and queso and chips and every kind of sweet thing known to mankind...

One day at a time...

My Reading This Week (Or Other Tales of Nonexistent Dreams)

Not got much to say...
Busy week...
But I can always talk books. Not many changes from last week. And this one won't be 500 words but it's better than nothing =)

 (Graphic borrowed from Taking on a World of Words, where I'm linking up).
On WWW, folks around her site answer three questions:
What are you currently reading?
To be honest, I'm not reading much of anything right now because I've been too busy working on lecture and lab and a zillion other things that I don't feel like I'm making any headway on, but...

Same books I was reading this time last month:
Daily Guideposts 2018, because I like a daily devotional
My Chronological Bible, a little bit a day
66 Ways God Loves You: Experience God's Love for You in Every Book of the Bible  by Jennifer Rothschild... reading this along with my Chronological Bible, so I'm just on Genesis because that's where I'm reading in the Bible
The Rejected Writer's Book Club by Suzanne Kelman- fabulous, no-thinking read about a group of ladies who write and celebrate rejection
The Ice Princess- a thriller with a dark turn- has some language- but had me captivated early on in the reading
Hello Mornings by Kat Lee- because I desperately need a morning routine and I am not a morning person, and while most days I don't want to be, I'm going to have to learn to be to be fruitful this year.
The Kindness Challenge by Shaunti Feldhahn, because kindness is one of the fruits of the Spirit.
Daughter of the Legend by Kentucky author Jesse Stuart
Stronger by Jeff Bauman because I want to see the movie and we all know you have to read the book first
Key Lime Pie Murder by Joanne Fluke because I love these murder mysteries, and I love Hannah, and I can read them without contemplating anything serious, which is great for days like today when I don't have a brain
The Lombardi Rules because everything you need to know about life can be summed up by a quote from one of the greatest football coaches of all times.
10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman because the song is powerful. This book tells examples of how real-life people have related to the lyrics.

Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince because, hello, it's Harry Potter and I still haven't finished the series.
Walt Whitman and Ralph Waldo Emerson because they are classics. I'll be reading these all year, I'm pretty sure.
The Philadelphia Chromosome about CML and cancer treatment- interesting read.
All in All Journaling Devotional because Sophie Hudson is just as awesome as Melanie Shankle.
Chazown: Discover and Pursue God's Purpose for Your Life by Craig Groeschel
In Bloom by Kaylee Aimee. I'm on the launch team for this one and it is delightful. Totally relatable, and laugh-out loud funny.
I Am Loved by Wendy Blight for P31 OBS... I know I'll not finish on time with the study, even though I am leading a group because this one is so good.
A Place on Earth by Wendell Berry... just started this one.

 What did you recently finish reading?
The Matchmaker by Elin Hilderbrand- Great book. I miss the beach.

 
What do you think you’ll read next?

I've got several hiking books about trails in Kentucky that I'll probably start working my way through.
The second book in the Outlander series. The second book in The Little House on the Prairie book series.
Talking as Fast as I Can by Lauren Graham, because I love Gilmore Girls and Kami bought me this for Christmas last year but I hadn't watched Gilmore Girls so I had to wait until I had finished.
To Kill a Mockingbird
Beartown for a book challenge
And I got a new Wendell Berry book in tonight but can't remember the name.

and I also have too many books downloaded on my Kindle, especially for the beginning of the semester... so, happy reading!

Answer the 3 Ws in the comment section because a girl's to read list can never be too long!

Just An Everyday Monday

Somehow it's January 22 and I'm only on Day 13 of this #My500Word 31 day challenge, but I've written every day but one, which is an improvement for me.

Today I really didn't want to log on here and write, because it's been a crazy day and to be honest I've been looking forward to my head hitting the pillow since I dragged myself out of the bed... and it's just Monday...

But, I'm determined to try to do more follow-through this year, so write I will.

I just can't promise it will be exciting.

Today's prompt is to write about my day.

A typical Monday.

Get Caleb up.

Get up and get ready.

Get a text from Nora that Sawyer's back in surgery. Say a prayer.

Drive from Frenchburg to Morehead.

Read a couple of pages from a book as I wait in the line at McDonalds.

One plain biscuit, one small Diet Coke.

Office work for less than an hour as I tackled a to do list that I don't even know where to start...

Class from 10-1250. Teaching about oxygenation. Prayers for Sawyer.

Meet with an adjunct faculty member. Go over clinical assignments and blackboard.

Work on to do list. Don't even make a dent. End up adding more than I cross off.

Meet with another faculty member about a clinical assignment.

Head to Weight Watchers for the first time. Stand in line to get on the scales- there has to be some kind of irony there, because who wants to step on the scale? Think about why I want to lose weight... I want to be more active. I don't want to have blood pressure problems. I want to be able to buy clothes wherever.

Drive from Morehead to Frenchburg.

Sit with Caleb at the ballgame and cheer for the Wildcats.

Wash a load of clothes.

Walk 2 miles on the treadmill and feel like I'm going to die.

Go downstairs only to discover that the clothes I thought were washed had not, in fact, went through the whole cycle. Got worried the washing machine was broken. Ironed.

Came upstairs and watched videos reviewing the skills I'll cover in lab tomorrow.

Write for the P31 OBS Facebook page.

Try not to think of how nonproductive today was, and instead, concentrate on how each of these small, mundane tasks can lead to something bigger. A better life for me. A better life for someone else. A new friend. A connection made.

Thank You, Lord, for the everyday. Redeem my time so that it is Yours and so that my tasks are Your priority. As I think of all I need to do, help me not neglect to be...

Be still and know You are God. Every day of mine is written down in Your book.

Help me not get overwhelmed by all I have to do; rather, help me concentrate on all You have already done and will continue to do in my life.

Help me appreciate little moments, and savor these.

Help me identify my time-wasters and address these.

Thank You for today, just a typical, Manic Monday...

because every day is the same to You, and You are in control.

Knit Together

We all start from something smaller than a speck of dust.

I'm not talking the big bang theory or evolution here, and I'm not going back to the creation of man and woman in the garden of Eden.

I'm thinking about conception, and the miracle of human life.

I'm amazed by how we get here... the complexities is our very breath.

At just the right time...

we are formed.

Unknown to anyone, but God.

We are His masterpiece, after all. In all of our intricate makeup, He knows us...

before we are formed, His word tells us in Jeremiah.

In Psalm 139, we are told we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are covered in our mother's womb... knit together.

so surely He continues to protect us. He is our shield, our exceeding great reward, our fortress and our strong tower.

There is nowhere we can go to flee from His presence if we wanted to. Psalm 139 talks about the depths of the sea and the highest mountain- He's there. There is no darkness that can hide Him from us, because in Him there is no darkness, only light.

Light to illuminate all of our imperfections.

Verse 16 tells us, "Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began." The King James Version says when I was inperfect...

but He knew. He knows all about us, numbers every hair on our head.

We are knit together... but for some reason, sometimes things that are knit unravel.

My sweet cousin Sawyer Grace was born with three holes in her heart.

Two of those have knit up on their own, with the help of the Master, that is...

and tomorrow she'll go into surgery. They'll open up her little chest and the surgeons will use their God-given skills to suture up the broken pieces, so that she'll be perfect, just like we already think she is.

And why we may not understand why sweet babies are born to face difficulties (or why kids get cancer), God knows, and He is sovereign. He knew before we even knew Sawyer Grace what January 22, will hold...

and He holds tomorrow in His hand. He's already been there. Every day of our life is already planned.

Children are a gift from God, and His Word is sure.

Family was established before the church, and His legacy is passed down from generation to generation. My Mamaw Na and Papaw Jr. were faith-filled people.

Their children... and their children's children... and now, this next generation of Caleb and Sawyer Grace...

One generation shall commend your works to another, and tell of your mighty acts... (Psalms)

We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. (Psalm)

Tell the coming generation the wonders He has done.

Saved us. Redeemed us.

Threw two people together and helped them survive 60+ years of marriage, raising 6 children in the process.

Covered me as I drove over Picnic Hill.

And used a surgeon's hand to knit together a little girl's heart...

"But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children"

Intentional

I love basketball, most of the time.

I love the squeak of the shoes and the adrenaline that courses through a gym during a close game.

I love the mouthing of the fans (in most cases) and the bounce of the ball on the hardwood floor.

I love close games, especially when I really have no emotional investment in the outcome (i.e., now that Wallace isn't coaching the ending doesn't really impact the emotional barometer of our household)...

Except when the last two minutes take ten thousand hours.

You know, if you're a basketball fan...

the team is behind by four or five and they think if they put the other team on the free throw line the player will miss because PRESSURE and then they'll get the rebound and have a chance to make up their deficit...

so the point guard rolls the ball up the court and then they stage a dance behind the three point line as the other players spread the floor and run a four corner offense to play keep away.

Inevitably, the point guard just won't be graceful enough to dodge the bullet, and usually his jersey gets pulled and it sends him to the free throw line.

The player totally meant to foul him, to stop the clock and get him on the line, but that's not how it's called.

Although sometimes in the game, if a player lunges at another player and performs a "flagrant" foul, it's called for being intentional.

What's the difference, I've often wondered? I mean, I know one is out of bad sportsmanship and could quite possibly injure someone, but intentional is intentional, right?

Or is it?

Because in life, we often set out to do things, but get sidetracked. Distracted. Our intentionality goes out the window as we have to change our plans.

Or we swipe at something, hoping that it will fall in our lap.

We hold our breath and pray that what we want will just happen.

We put everyone else on the free throw line and hope that we can get the rebound and then finally do something to gain ground...

but they make the free throws, and we are left struggling to even the score.

Just praying that something will happen isn't good enough.

And truth is, sometimes even when we swipe our arm to grab that other person's jersey, we'll get it wrong.

Being intentional takes effort. We have to want something... and not just say we want something, because often acting is the hardest part.

So tomorrow, think about what you want. Think about how you'll gain ground, and step up and do something about it. In this case, it's ok to be flagrant...

because usually the refs don't make the right call, anyway =)

Linking up today with Five Minute Friday (one day late) where we write for five minutes, unedited, on one prompt. The prompt this week is Intentional, a good word to be thinking about at this time of the year, because if we aren't intentional in how we work toward our goals, we certainly won't be successful.

Liar, Liar...

Here's looking at you, kid...

I see you looking at me.

I'm the one who's got it all together.

I set my alarm clock early, and as soon as my feet hit the floor I'm smiling, ready to face the day. It's full of possibilities! Anything can happen! I'm in charge of my life and it. is. grand.

I exercise without complaining. I treat everyone that comes into my path just how I'd want to be treated, with a smile on my face and sunshine in my heart.

I cross everything off my to do list, even as I concentrate on people as my priority. Have I got time for you?

Yes, sir!  Yes, m'am.  Come on in, have a seat, and talk an hour or three. I give everyone whose path a cross my rapt attention, looking into their eyes and not spending my time thinking about what my next response will be.

I am patient with Caleb, and we spend the evening hours with family time, where we discuss our highs and lows of the day and talk about all we are grateful for and all we are blessed with.

I always pray and read my Bible- and it's not something to cross off my list!

Yes, that's me. Pinterest perfect. Instagram interesting. Facebook family-focused.

I am the epitome of perfection...

In my dreams.

These are all things I wish I was like. The prompt for #My500words was to lie... as much as we could. And these words above are pretty much all lies, because even though some of them may be partially true, a half-truth is still a lie.

I set out to be all these things, but then I get out of bed. I see I'm running late, and somehow, in the hustle and bustle of getting my ten bags out the door, I lose my sense of purpose and my sense of calm and get that hurried, wildwoman look that we all so often have but nobody posts on social media.

The fact is, it isn't hard to lie. I mean, as I typed  those words out, even though I knew that some of them were the polar opposite of me, I could almost squint and view my life from that perspective and see maybe how sometimes I am that woman. But I also cringed, because it seemed pompous and a little conceited.

The heart is a deceitful thing, but we too often listen to our feelings. We allow our small imperfections to convince us that we are less than, because we can never be the person we desire the most to be.

What if that person that you most deeply desire isn't who God designed you to be? What if  the imperfect, wild-eyed woman who sometimes exercises without complaint and sometimes throws up a "Help Me, Jesus" as she checks off her daily reading after a day of only adding to her to do list is really who God created you to be... because others see you and see you leaning into Jesus and see you putting people first most of the time and see you loving with action most of the time... and want to be like you, imperfect and all?

Let's stop lying to ourselves and trying to convince ourselves we have to be perfect... because imperfectly pushing toward a better self through Jesus is so much better. And that is the perfect truth.

January 17th Link-Up with Three Ws

There's not much that I like to think about more than books. I love books. Love the feel of new books in my hands, love running my hand alongside the spine when a book is new (or used) on a bookshelf in a bookstore. I love hardback books, paperback books, books on Kindle- I'm not picky. I'll read most genres and I am one of those people that if I start a book, I'll finish it, even if it takes me two years.
That's why I love linkups with other blogs that involve reading. I can never have too many books on my to read list, and I love perusing other people's lists and seeing what they recommend. So, today, I'm taking a break from #My500Words to link up and share my answers to three questions: What I'm reading, What I just read, and What I think I'll read next.

 (Graphic borrowed from Taking on a World of Words, where I'm linking up).
On WWW, folks around her site answer three questions:
What are you currently reading?
I'm an overachiever. When I was young I always had a book open in every room, and I've kind of carried that on... This is a little different from my Goodreads profile because sometimes I'll start a book (especially an actual book) and get distracted after only a couple of pages, only to go back once I finish another book.
I am also reading some books not on my Goodreads profile. For example, I'm reading several marital help books... not because my marriage is in a bad place, but because I'm trying to be more fruitful, and I'm often the least patient and kind to Wallace, so I'd like to do better.
Same books I was reading this time last year:
Daily Guideposts 2018, because I like a daily devotional
My Chronological Bible, a little bit a day
66 Ways God Loves You: Experience God's Love for You in Every Book of the Bible  by Jennifer Rothschild... reading this along with my Chronological Bible, so I'm just on Genesis because that's where I'm reading in the Bible
The Rejected Writer's Book Club by Suzanne Kelman- fabulous, no-thinking read about a group of ladies who write and celebrate rejection
The Ice Princess- a thriller with a dark turn- has some language- but had me captivated early on in the reading
Hello Mornings by Kat Lee- because I desperately need a morning routine and I am not a morning person, and while most days I don't want to be, I'm going to have to learn to be to be fruitful this year.
The Kindness Challenge by Shaunti Feldhahn, because kindness is one of the fruits of the Spirit.
Daughter of the Legend by Kentucky author Jesse Stuart
Stronger by Jeff Bauman because I want to see the movie and we all know you have to read the book first
Key Lime Pie Murder by Joanne Fluke because I love these murder mysteries, and I love Hannah, and I can read them without contemplating anything serious, which is great for days like today when I don't have a brain
The Lombardi Rules because everything you need to know about life can be summed up by a quote from one of the greatest football coaches of all times.
10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman because the song is powerful. This book tells examples of how real-life people have related to the lyrics.
The Matchmaker by Elin Hilderbrand- some sexual content and language but she's one of my favorites and also her books make me think of summertime which I desperately need
Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince because, hello, it's Harry Potter and I still haven't finished the series.
Walt Whitman and Ralph Waldo Emerson because they are classics. I'll be reading these all year, I'm pretty sure.
The Philadelphia Chromosome about CML and cancer treatment- interesting read.
All in All Journaling Devotional because Sophie Hudson is just as awesome as Melanie Shankle.
Chazown: Discover and Pursue God's Purpose for Your Life by Craig Groeschel

New:
In Bloom by Kaylee Aimee. I'm on the launch team for this one and it is delightful. Totally relatable, and laugh-out loud funny.

 What did you recently finish reading?
Church of the Small Things study guide because Melanie Shankle is basically me, with best-selling books and awesome hair.
Nathan Coulter by Kentuckian Wendell Barry because reading his work in on a Kentucky Bucket List and y'all know I'm all about Exploring Kentucky.
Sacred Space- this is a book to be read during Advent but it has some bonus reading so I'm still soaking it up. After all, shouldn't Advent be year round?
Winter Storm by Elin Hilderbrand, which was the third in her Winter series and perfectly delightful.
 What do you think you’ll read next?
I Am Loved by Wendy Blight for P31 OBS
I've got several hiking books about trails in Kentucky that I'll probably start working my way through.
The second book in the Outlander series. The second book in The Little House on the Prairie book series.
Talking as Fast as I Can by Lauren Graham, because I love Gilmore Girls and Kami bought me this for Christmas last year but I hadn't watched Gilmore Girls so I had to wait until I had finished.
To Kill a Mockingbird
Beartown for a book challenge

and I also have too many books downloaded on my Kindle, especially for the beginning of the semester... so, happy reading!

Answer the 3 Ws in the comment section because a girl's to read list can never be too long!