46 days

Today is November 15th, the halfway point of November.

I only have about 3 weeks of the fall semester left.

People are posting pictures of Christmas trees and Christmas decorations.

The air definitely has more of a chill in it.

And I still have yet to finish a book this month.

Oh, I'm reading books. 

14 of them, to be exact.

And the stack by my bed just keeps getting taller.  There are too many books and not enough time to read them.

Namely because I'm addicted to social media.

There, I said it. I find myself spending hours on the computer wasting time and scrolling down a page that never really changes.

As an introvert by nature, social media can exhaust me...

but it also serves as a connection. I find myself feeling affirmed by those likes and comments.

Social media is a wonderful tool, but sometimes we're too connected to a screen to connect to those around us.

I can become so absorbed in what others are doing that I lose track of what I should be doing myself.

If you've read my blog at all, you know I stink at self-discipline. It's one of the reasons why I struggle with exercise at times and why I'm a procrastinator and why my laundry stays piled to the ceiling.

However, I'm doing better with exercise.

And I want to do better with self-discipline.

I found myself the other day looking at planners for 2016.  I always love the new year because it holds such promise. There's something about a blank space on a calendar that makes me be hopeful.

I usually don't last through the first week... but I am hopeful that I will.

And as I was looking at those planners, I thought about all I hope to accomplish next year; how it's going to be great...

And realized that I don't even have my next breath promised to me.

We don't have to wait for a new year, a new month, a new day to start over.

We can make each day the best; each minute is a new opportunity.

Every breath we take can make us better than we were.

So.... the way I look at it, I have 46 days left in 2015. That's 46 days that I can make a difference in someone's life.  46 days for me to exercise. 46 days for me to lose those extra 15 or 20 pounds that I'd like to lose. 46 days to read His Word.

46 days to close my computer down and laugh with Caleb, to listen to Wallace, to chase Will, to snuggle with Melody.

46 days to use this white space to bring glory to God.

What are you going to do for these 46 days?

For that matter, what are you going to do today? 

Lord, help me embrace each moment as a gift from You and use them to accomplish Your Will. Thank You, Father.

Bobcat Family

I love reliving the glory days.

I can tell you how it felt the entire 1995 football season, and the entire 1996 football season.

Cheering on the sideline.  Hot sun beating down during cheer practice and our run through the sprinklers on a Sunday when Coach magically appeared and yelled for us to "Get off that field." Being forgotten after the  Montgomery County bowl and getting pizza the next Monday because Coach knew that to make his cheerleading coach mad meant trouble.

Wins.  Lots of wins.  Every week a win. 

And community support.  Signs.  Packed stands.  Loud clapping.

It was wonderful...

but I also remember the lowest point of Breathitt County football since it got its feet on the ground.

It rained every single week, and every single week we'd track through mud on fields. Mud so thick you'd lose your shoes. I was a spectator back then, and got to smell those stinky pads the whole way home.

It was miserable.  We lost every single game that season, except against Knott County. And we only won that one in overtime.

There were no packed stands. There was little clapping. There were signs, but it was because my Mom made them.

Every year, at the end of the season, I'm sad.  I'm sad because I don't like endings. I'm sad because there are a group of seniors that I've grown to know and love... if not off the field, on.

Last night, I was especially sad.  I wasn't sad because we lost necessarily.  And I wasn't sad because we didn't execute well... even though at times I wish I could have gone out there and gave Cam a big hug or fired up our line a little bit.

And here's the thing.  When Josh Adams jumps off sides, I feel like I have the right to quarrel at him a little bit in the stands... because I'm one of his biggest fans. I brag on him.  And when Randy Melton gets a penalty, again, I feel like I have the right to quarrel, because I'm not just quarreling about the negative.

What made me sad last night?

Arriving at the game as the National Anthem was being played, Mom and I expected to have to park up town.  Surprisingly, we walked right in. There was no traffic. There were no packed stands.

It didn't feel like a football playoff game.

And it wasn't even cold.

I'd like to think that if we were winning and heading to the state championship, it'd be different...

but then I think about the last time that Breathitt's girls went to Bowling Green.

Administration didn't even call off school so that they could go to the boys state tournament the next week... and Breathitt's boys weren't even in the state tournament.

What saddens me about last night, and so many nights, is the complete apathy that we as a county demonstrate. As a whole, many do not care about community. 

I wish I knew the answers.  Our problems go far beyond an upacked football stadium, and I'll be the first to admit it.

But maybe we could start by coming together to support our local kids.

In the 1995 year, it was great.  We were winning.

But we were a family... and that was what meant so much more.

Our kids deserve that. For some of them, it may be the only family they ever know.

Today, and everyday, I'm so thankful to be a part of the Bobcat family. Nobody knows how much time our kids and coaching staff put into the game. For many out there on the football field last night, they played no organized football in grade school or middle school. That means we're learning fundamentals at the high school level, folks.  Breathitt didn't become a powerhouse in a day. It won't get back there in a day. And before you start pointing fingers at the state department, the decision to halt grade school football was made by the same administration that decided to go to the boys state tournament instead of cheering our girls on in Bowling Green. The only way we will have a powerhouse football program again is by community buy-in and support. So, if you see those boys at Walmart, pat them on the back. They don't need to hear they did a bad job... they know when they make a mistake. You'll see it in the way they hang their head. They do need to know that you care. There's always room for more people in the Bobcat football family... in the Bobcat family as a whole, for that matter. You just have to yell loud and be passionate about something.

And maybe, that passion... just may make a difference in our community as a whole.

Football Grace

I feel a little sick this evening.

I'm watching Thursday night football, if that explains anything.

And if it doesn't, let me elaborate to say that it is the Bengals vs. the Browns and the Bengals have had over 200 yards in the 2nd half to the Browns 7 yards.

And I'm brain dead because I spent 9 hours or so in a conference room with 16 people who are near strangers having to have a discussion about things like strengths and weaknesses and what it means to lead and have a vision and knowing yourself.

Which I have on my to do list...

As in, "Figure yourself out."

You'd think I'd know in 36 years, but I have significant trouble trying to describe myself in 3 words or so...

You try it. It's not as easy as it may seem.

Also on my to do list is to write Mike Tomlin a letter, because I'm pretty sure he needs my coaching advice.  After all, I am reading Dan Rooney's autobiography so I feel like I  know the Steelers organization pretty well.

We're a resilient organization, this Steelers nation, and I have no doubt that we'll recover even though Bell isn't ringing much lately.

"To thine own self be true" means that tonight, even though the Bengals are looking like they are having fun playing and I really appreciate that in a team, and even though Andy Dalton looks like the boy next door whose cheeks you just want to pinch, and even though AJ Green is on my Fantasy Football team...

I'll say that they may be the real deal. But I'll also follow that concession with a reminder that there are such anomalies as 100 year floods and perhaps this is the year for the Bengals...

But it's not playoffs yet.

Thankful tonight for football and shopping with Mom and Kami's fashion advice and texts from my boy and the beautiful soul that is my sister Holly.

And the fact that the Steelers still have 6 championship rings and the legacy of Mean Joe Green and the fact that we came back even after choosing to let Johnny Unitas go.

And that His grace is sufficient, even in tough football times.

You Got to Know Your Destination

I consider myself fairly well traveled. I've been to several states and have flown a few times. I can pack like a pro thanks to Wallace Bates's guidelines to keep the outfits to a minimum...

But today I think I met my match.

I was privileged to be selected to be a part of the McCall Leadership Academy at KCTCS.  Each college gets a representative, and I'm honored that I get to represent my colleagues at HCTC.

Today was our first in-person meeting, in downtown Louisville. Y'all who know me well know I hate driving, and I wasn't about to brave driving downtown... so my wonderful Mom came along. 

I'm not the greatest in technology, but I figured between my phone, my Mom's garmin, and the navigation system in my car we'd be ok to make it to the hotel. We left in plenty of time and everything went great until I tried to program the Garmin.

I couldn't figure out how to change the destination.

I know... I'm obviously leader material based on that one statement.

Because isn't that what a leader does? Change the destination? Or at least get the people he or she is following to discover what the destination is?

So... I gave up on the Garmin and pulled out my cell phone.

I'm much more adept at programming it and had our destination mapped out quicker than you can turn it on.

And then it started talking to me... telling us to turn at every stinkin' exit we passed.

Well... I'm so adept at using my cell phone that I was convinced that I had somehow programmed two destinations in.  The last time I had used the map feature was when we went to see Melody in the hospital two months ago, and it must have saved that destination.

Except when I turned the voice off in the settings it kept on talking to me.

So I did the next to logical thing... turned my cell phone off... because why wouldn't it still be talking even after that feature had been turned off???

And then it kept talking.

So I got a little worried... until I realized that it was the Garmin talking.  I had left the stinking thing on and even though I had no idea where the destination it was trying to send us was, it sure knew.

We finally got to the hotel and Mom dropped me off... but I forgot my wallet in the car because I'm so responsible...

which meant that Mom had to prove her love by driving around downtown Louisville amidst the one-way streets to try to get back to point A.

I had a good day of meetings where I learned about honesty and integrity and transparency and vulnerability and taking risks and being courageous and having a vision and a purpose.

Lots of food for thought...

And I was feeling pretty good about myself because introverted Lauren managed to make small talk with the people she sat with and even ate part of a salad at lunch so that no one would think she was strange for being a picky eater.

And then I took the stairs down and almost couldn't find my way out because the doors to the first floor were an emergency exit only and the door to the second floor opened in an unfinished parking garage.

But I finally made it back out of the stairwell without calling 911, which I'm taking as a pretty good sign of my critical thinking abilities.

I love to travel, but sometimes small town living is enough for me.

Tonight I'm thankful for my Mama and all she does for me and everyone else. I love her and can't put it into words... and I know she loves me because she drove through rush hour traffic tonight to prove it!

Thankful for the Small Things

So this morning I was running late, which isn't really that unusual for me.

At least once a week I tell myself I have to get my act together. (Coincidentally, I first heard this phrase from a 3rd grader a few years ago, as we pulled in late to school... again... as in, "Mom, you really need to get your act together.")

Sigh...

I had clinical and we had an early start and I get in my car and the car is almost on empty.  I debated heading on to Campton and taking my chances but was afraid it'd look worse if I had to call my students from the side of the road to come get me, so I stopped and got $10 worth of gas.

I pulled out onto 15 from the old road and it was so foggy you could barely see the end of the car... but then the a beautiful sunbeam broke up the fog and the trees looked glorious just like yesterday and I thought that maybe my day wouldn't be so bad.

I was driving down 15 trying to follow the speed limit and then had to worry about passing the slooooww truck that just had to pull out in front of me even though there was nothing behind me for five miles...

and I started thinking about how if we are in a rush, we fail to appreciate the small things.

And the small things are all too often the big things.

I'm not sure why we feel like we have to live life in a rush, but I started the day running late and felt like I was running late all day long...

even though I wasn't. And even though I had nothing pressing to do.

I think it's a deliberate tool from our enemy to attack our peace... to attack our well-being... to attack our schedule.

And to make us think we have to rush when we don't.

Nothing makes us feel overwhelmed like having too many things to do in a short amount of time.

I'm learning to do better. I'm still not great at saying no, and I'm recognizing that sometimes it's not really God's will for me to say no. I can't avoid doing things just because I want free time to myself.

And I can't avoid people just because I'd like to sit on the couch and read a book.

So, tonight I'm thankful for people who take time to pause and help me when I need help... people like Shannon and Kena in Academic Affairs and Leanna and Leanne in the business office and Brad who is our tech guru (making sure my Blackboard does what it needs to do and that I have a computer lab to work in) and the M & O crew that unlocks my office door when I lock my keys up because I'm in such a rush that I forget them.

And I'm thankful for my friends in the Jackson Woman's Club.  It's not always my cup of tea to make small talk, but tonight I sat with some lovely ladies and did just that.

And I'm thankful that our county has a historian like Stephen Bowling, who shared information about the 1939 flood to our group tonight. I love my Breathitt county heritage.

And I'm thankful for a support group on facebook to help me with weight loss accountability and for treadmill time even though I didn't want to do it.

And I'm thankful for bedtime.

Because even though His grace is sufficient to keep me as I rush through my day, it's also sufficient to renew me as I rest.

God's Hidden Promises

"The heavens declare the glory of God, and the skies display His craftsmanship." Psalm 19:1

There's nothing much more beautiful than Eastern Kentucky in the fall.  The hills are golden and auburn and flaming red, with just enough dark green interspersed. This is especially true on a gloomy day, when the sun doesn't come out and the sky is steel gray, and then, out of nowhere, there's a ray of sun that highlights just the top of the hills so they seem like they are glowing... on fire, full of glorious light.

And then, out of nowhere, starting small and growing more brilliant, it's there.

Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet...

The rainbow, hovering over the hills as the sunlight from no visible sun shines on those glorious colors.

The sun's there, it's just hidden behind the clouds.

Just a few raindrops, and there's that brilliant stretch of color reminding me of God's promises. They're true and they are yes and Amen.

Even when you can't see the makings of God's promises... even when you can't figure out how they're going to come true...

They are there.

And He knows.

(The picture doesn't do it justice!!!)

And what a sunset came after this... but I was drying dishes with my Mom at my Papaw's house and didn't get a pic.

So, today, November 2, I'm thankful for hidden promises and visible rainbows and glorious fall foliage, for my Papaw and for Bible study (finally made it on a Monday!!!) with the girls from PPC, for my inheritance and His presence. 

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow...

For His grace is always sufficient.

This month I'm being intentional about being grateful and sharing my thankfulness here in this blog and on Facebook and Instagram.  I also came across a 30 day Scripture challenge, and I'd love to invite you to join me in it... Click the link to see 30 days worth of scripture on thankfulness.



Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.  His love endures forever.

Some Kind of Way

So every now and again I get this big idea that maybe I have something in my head worth sharing, and the blankness of this white page calls my name.

I vow that I'll be consistent...

Until something happens that takes my time.

Or my focus.

Or knocks the wind out of my sails.

And I'm silent for a while... but then it beckons.

Today I started day 1 of November thankfuls, and I was reminded again that I had the perfect platform, right here on this blog, to share what I'm thankful for...

and maybe it will help me become consistent again.

Today I am thankful for King Jesus... for His Word... and for His love that caused Him to choose to save me when I was lost in sin.

But I'm thankful for so much more. 

I'm thankful for a good game on TV today between the Steelers and the Bengals; even though we lost it inspired me to tackle my mountain of laundry.

I'm thankful for a 4 pound weight loss in the month of October and a reminder that even though I have good days and bad days, it's a mindset and a lifestyle change and I am happier with my self at this moment in time than I have been for a long time.

I'm thankful that even in the middle of Halloween, which can make an uncrafty Mom feel useless as I scroll through social media, seeing the cute costumes that look Pinterest perfect, and the whole families dressed up that I'm realizing that loving Caleb makes me a good Mom, even if I never did dress up when I took him trick or treating.

And that being glad that he decided this year to not dress up does not make me a bad Mom.

Even if he did say that he wished he had found time in his life to put together a costume, because "We never know what next year will hold."

Which made me think, again, that this time next week I will officially have a teenager on my hands, which makes me feel all kinds of way.

As in, wanting to throw up way, and wanting to cry way, and wanting to pat myself on the back because we've made it this far and just yesterday somebody told me what a good boy I have way.

And I wonder if God ever feels that way about me, as He watches my attitude that is less than perfect and my anger that boils over for no reason... as He sees me struggle to reign in my emotions, as He sees me love imperfectly but choose to love.

And so above all, I'm thankful that He loves me through all of those emotions...

Because He is too good.