Heart Transformation

"Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God."- 2 Corinthians 4:1-2

At the beginning of the year, I said I wasn't making any resolutions.

Instead, I set goals; habits I wanted to develop; traits I wanted to focus on to make me a "better" person.

My guiding word became "seek", leading me to ponder on seeking God and seeking myself and seeking adventure and seeking all that God has for me.

This weekend, I sat for two days at Southland Christian Church in Lexington and allowed God to pour His Word into me.

I came to a new understanding of resolutions... it's not something I can do.

Being resolved is being intentional, yes, but without God we can't be resolved.

I wish I could sum up those four sessions for you.

If you've been reading this blog at all, you know that 2018 was a rough year for my family for a number of reasons. That's one of the reasons why I chose the word seek, because I felt like I needed God more than anything.

I say it with my mouth but don't always carry it out.

It's so easy for me to get overwhelmed.

I lose heart.

I cover things with secret shame... I deceive others, but most importantly I deceive myself.

At the beginning of 2018 I tried to fix myself. I was bound and determined I was going to be intentional. I was going to chase happiness. I was going to "better" myself...

and only found myself in a desperate place by the summertime.

As Mo Isom so eloquently put it this weekend, "It can't be about behavior modification. It has to be about heart transformation."

That's hard work, though... even though the hard work has already been done by Jesus.

Heart transformation hurts.

I can check something off my to do list... and fake it till I make it with the best of it...

but a life living like that will mean I never make it.

And I don't want that. Mo said she prayed a prayer that said, "Wreck my life."

I feel like in many ways my life has been wrecked this past year. I don't say that in a way to tempt God, because He can change things in an instant, but the struggles we have went through... and just like Lysa TerKeurst talked about, my life 9 months ago was not what I had imagined...

but God.

But God in His mercy reached down to me.

God in His all-knowing sovereignty was doing the hard work.

It won't be perfect... but it will be perfecting.

It will be messy... but the best messages are.

Tonight, my prayer is for heart transformation. May God find me ever seeking Him... and may He change me because of it.

I don't want to be the same me I was this time last year... ever again.

And may my battle cry, even in the difficulties, be like King Jehosophat's, "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever."