I'm that Mama

"Finally my brethren, whatsoever is true, whatsoever is honest, whatsoever is just, whatsoever is pure, whatsoever is lovely, whatsoever is of good report, if there be any virtue or praise, think on these things."- Philippians 4:8

You'd think after writing on this one verse all month long I'd be able to type it from memory... and I'm pretty sure I did, but am checking just to make sure...

Because I'm paranoid like that.

I've been writing on this verse for 24 days, and it's starting to come a little more natural.

Oh, I'm still that Mom that sits up in the bleachers during ball practice and tries to coach...because obviously I was a cheerleader and that makes me qualified to try to teach a kid how to play the post position.

Even though the said kid was doing exactly what he was supposed to do on defense.

And it may or may not be only the second practice that kid has attended since he played pee-wee league, where everyone just ran up and down the floor in mass chaos...

And I'm also the Mom who finds my blood pressure rise as he says, "I have one more question." Fifteen dozen questions later, and my head feels like it is about to explode, because introverts need quiet and alone time and to lay in the bed with the covers over their head under the electric blanket that was just purchased from Walmart.

And I'm still that person who blows under her breath when the bus in front of us decides that it needs to drop the kids on board off at their house, which means that I can't get to my destination as soon as I need to... I mean, what was that bus driver thinking? Doesn't he see the panic in my eyes in his rearview mirror?

I may or may not still be struggling...

but I also see how that boy runs up the floor and doesn't quit when doing those suicide drills (I mean, how many times could I do that?)

And I see how all of those questions mean that his mind is working and he's thinking outside of the box and realize that often my frustrations come because he's thinking so much faster and deeper than I am.

I see his hand that is now bigger than mine and think of him helping pack out the garbage at Hope Lodge, think of him making conversations with the patients there, smiling and just being him.

This thinking on these things... it can be hard sometimes, I'm not going to lie. 

But it can also be oh, so good.

Good to recognize that the truth is he's not going to be little long. That honestly, I'm madly in love with that little guy and even when he is infuriating me, he has my heart.  Being his Mom is teaching me about being just and fair no matter how difficult it may seem (especially when it is so UNFAIR that I am the only mother in the world who will not just put his contacts in for him as he struggles to get them in... atrocious, I know.) Thinking of how as a teenager, our struggles are so much different than they were when he was young and innocent and pure... free from hate and angst and all of the yuckiness that comes with middle school.  Thinking of how lovely it is when he shows compassion for others and loves his volleyball sisters and his friends from school.  Thinking of how the girl at Appalachian Wireless said that he was her favorite customer, and of how many people have told me what a good kid he is (all credit to God!!! And also the village that helps raise him). 

I don't tell him enough. Don't give him enough praises.  So tonight as I called him on my way home from the football game I told him extra how much I love him. How proud I am.

Because I'm thinking on these things...

And seeing that I have to do more than just think on them.

Writing for the
#write31days challenge... just a week left!!!