Just Another Day

It was a day about like this one.   The sky was a robin egg's blue, the sun shining... not that I would know.  I was in the bed, after working a 7 Pm shift at the nursing home.  I had come home and snuggled under the covers, oblivious to the chaos that was ensuing. 

Helen called and woke me up.  "You want to watch this."  And I didn't WANT to watch it, yet Isat there, eyes glued to the TV screen.  Smoke billowing from the towers, emergency vehicles rushing to the scene, newscasters giving their opinions.  A terrorist attack on our own soil?  Oh, sure I knew about the earlier attack a few years prior, remembered footage from Oklahoma City.  But something of this magnitude?

I drove up to my Mamaw Bert's house.  I didn't want to be alone.  I sat there, transfixed, watching the images of the towers collapsing over and over, of the dust and the people running.  Those planes flying straight and the smoke and the fires.  Of people falling from buildings like rubble and of people hugging and crying. 

The next morning my Mom and I went to Bybee Pottery.  We had planned it for a while, for my  birthday.  We went on to Lexingotn and it was eerie how empty the streets were.  The  world hadn't stopped turning, but America stood still for a moment. 

And our Congressmen joined hands on Capital Hill and sang God Bless America.  How far we've come in 11 years...

May we never forget... those innocent men and women who gave their lives that day.  Just another day of going to work, of fighting fires, of saving lives.  Of crunching numbers and sending emails and living... just another day that women kissed their husbands goodbye and sent them to their death over a Pennsylvania field.  "Let's Roll..." Just like any other day.

And today, we're still living and we're still saying goodbye, Men and women in their high rises and our military men and women sacrificing... we're still flying, though with more precautions.  Making it in America, the land of the free and the home of the brave.  Thank you to those firefighters, EMTS, doctors, nurses, police officers... to those in uniform, kids like Zach and Jay and Cory, and their wives at home, Kalah and Lyndzee who as newlyweds kissed their Marines goodbye.  Thanks to families like my friends Bobbi and Angie, to my cousin Susan and all of their kids, who sacrifice daily.  Thanks to my Wallace and all his Reserve buddies, and to all who make America great.  And may we never forget... may we never forget 9-11... and may we never forget Who blesses America. 

Rejoicing

I'm participating in a Bible study through a Hello Morning group focusing on 1 Peter.  Today, we read in 1 Peter 1:3-12.  Each day, we have to choose a word to meditate on.  This morning, the word that stood out to me was rejoice.

I've had a rough couple of weeks. Some things have happened and come to my attention that I've not really been too happy about, and I'm the type that keeps dwelling on the bad even though I tell myself not to.  Add that in with the Biostats class I had Saturday, and I was just a negative Nancy this morning.  As I read those verses, though, speaking of rejoicing in our trials because they allowed us to be refined, I started thinking of how trials shape us.  We become stronger through the fire, and see how God brings himself glory.

We rejoice in how God protects us, shaping our faith through receiving the gift of salvation.  We rejoice in Him that we love yet have not seen, because it is through that great love that we receive the promise of eternal life.  We rejoice because Christ's sufferings enabled us to be free, free from guilt and shame and sin.

So tonight, I'm rejoicing... though it may be quiet.  And that's ok.  I'm rejoicing for high school love that somehow changes as we get older, to something a little more sweet than we could have imagined... but only through troubles.  I'm rejoicing in volleyball  losses because there are lessons learned in losing.  I'm rejoicing in Caleb... because let's face it, he's a true gift.  Even in his meanness... he is mine. 

Today was another rough day... felt like I was pulled in so many directions.  Work, work, work, run, run, run, grading and hitting the treadmill and helping Caleb study and ironing and just the day to day work... and I didn't rejoice all day.  In fact, I got pretty crabby and hateful.  Then, as I sat down to write, I realized how I had failed... but there is something to rejoice in that, too.  It's only through my weakness, my failure, that He can be strong in me, only when I acknowledge my mistakes and messes that He can fix them, and fix me.  So thank you, Lord... for giving me joy in the darkness and for using all things for Your glory.  I'm so not worth it...

Over My Head

Yesterday was one of the longest days of my life.  It started out bad... rain, a torrential downpour, and I didn't have an umbrella.  Luckily, I have a great friend who let me borrow hers, but we still looked like two drowned rats by the time we made it into the classroom (Jenna was kind enough to actually let me use the umbrella, so she got a tad more wet than me.  That is the definition of a true friend).  We couldn't find the door to get into the building, which only complicated things. 

Lecture on leadership wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be, especially considering it was at 8 AM on a Saturday morning in the rain.  The speaker was actually pretty interesting, and it really made me think of my own views on leadership.  I don't consider myself a "leader" per se, but as an educator, I've placed myself in that position, and I take it seriously.  I guess I see my role more as an encourager... and really, we all have to be leaders at something.  Some of us just do it better than others. 

Jenna and I called in Cheddars and got Gigi's Cupcakes to motivate us...and we needed them.  Biostats... oh, my!  First of all, let me say hats off to Wallace, who deals with those numbers frequently in his job at UK.  I'm thinking this is definitely going to go down as one of my hardest classes EVER... and my nursing friends know I'm not saying that lightly.  The longer Dr. White talked, the more of a headache I got.  And the more I wanted to cry.  And go home and cover my head underneath the blanket...

Cause it really is that bad.  It's like a foreign language, even after two statistics class.  Advanced is...advanced.  And to say I'm a little scared may not be strong enough.  But I'm no quitter. So today, after I posted my discussion board over my problem statement for another class (only about 8 hours before the due date.  Yep, I'm getting better at procrastinating... grin), I sat down and planned my attack.  Organized my due dates.  Starting tomorrow, I'm going to bust that biostatistics class wide open.  I'm not dummy... and I'm definitely not going to let Wallace be a pro at something and me not be able to do it.  Although it is nice to have someone who can tutor me, because I'm definitely in over my head here!

Life's a Journey... Go Along for the Ride

Tonight I rode on a bus to what seems like the middle of nowhere.  Now don't be offended if you live in Oneida, but after driving 1 hour or so on Hwy 30 on a school bus, I was remembering why I would "accidentally" miss the bus when Mom was pregnant with Kami.  The trip home left me a little green at the gills.

The plus side was that we won... big... and our girls had a good time.  And they are a great group of girls. The ride home was full of laughter, singing, and just a little shrieking.  Oh, the joy and angst of being a teenager.  I so remember bus rides with the radio up as loud as you could get it, blowing bubbles and gossiping about anything and everything.  Of curling up on a seat and trying to get some sleep but not being able to because whoever was behind you was singing too loud. 

Sometimes we grow up too fast... tomorrow I'll be 33 and I'm feeling slightly melancholy.  I've had a less than desirable week and sometimes life makes you just wish you were back to being a teenager again.  If only we knew...

but then I wouldn't have Caleb.  And I know God's got me right where He wants me at this time in my life, and that He's got a plan for me no matter what.  Sometimes we aren't sure where the road is headed, but we just have to trust Him to lead us in the right direction.  Sometimes life is a pull out your map and try to figure it out, but then there is always the belief that our navigator knows what is going on.  Tonight, as I head into my 33rd year, I'm thinking that it's going to be one of those years where I just close my eyes and hang on for the ride.  In life, there will be ups and downs... but in the end, even if we get a little queasy stomached, the destination will be worth it. 

Do It Anyway

Yesterday I posted one of my favorite quotes on facebok.  It's truly something that I believe we all need to live by.
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa

Forgive them anyway... In the Bible it says we are to forgive 70 x 7.  It also says that if we can't forgive, how can we expect God the Father to forgive us?  There is a story of a parable involving a servant who owed his master money. The master forgave him his debt. The servant then met a man who owed him a far less amount than he had owed.  The servant became furious when he found out and had him thrown in jail until he could pay the debt.  When the master found out how the servant behaved, he then threw the servant in jail. The point is, we can never repay the debt that we owe... the debt that resulted in Jesus's death on the cross.  Nothing that anyone can do to us could ever equal that debt.  People are unreasonable... including me and you. And we are self-centered.  We hurt each other without thinking.... we make decisions in a split second that can impact relationships... we choose hurt and hate instead of love.  God's answer to this is forgiveness... and loving our neighbors.  Loving even when the other person doesn't deserve it. Every action has a precursing action, every reaction has a rationale behind it.  Yes, our feelings may be hurt, we may have a broken heart or just not understand, but the only person unforgiveness hurts is ourself.

Be kind anyway... people are highly suspicious of kindness.  We cry ulterior motives... people can't be kind just because they want to. And in many cases, this is true.  We are kind because we want something.  We "use" people to get what we want... but those same people are using us.  And we can't be kind just because we want to. It is only through God's Spirit in us that we can be unselfishly kind.

Be honest, anyway... honesty leaves us open to pain.  When we are honest, we are revealing our soul to others. We're living a wide-open book so that anyone can read us, and that means that we open ourselves up to attack.  Being honest means standing up for what we believe to be right, no matter what.

Be happy anyway... Mother Teresa states that if we are happy, people are jealous.  Misery loves company.  Be happy anyway... don't let others drag you down.  Laugh.  Smile.  Encourage happiness in others.  Never lose your sense of love.  When you start becoming unhappy, figure out why.  Address those things.  NEVER let anything steal your joy, because it is too hard to fight to get it back.  And even if you aren't happy, work toward becoming happy. This is especially true in relationships.  It's too easy to allow the day to day cares of the world to make you fall out of love.  Love is patient, though, and endures all things.  True love is happiness... even when things or circumstances are going on that can make you unhappy.

Do good anyway... It's not about recognition or a pat on the back. Doing good is about service, about being the hands and feet of Jesus.  It's about feeling good about yourself and how you've helped encourage or pull someone up.  If you're doing something so that you can be remembered, you might consider what was just said about ulterior motives. 

Give your best anyway... because sometimes our best isn't good enough. Some people can never be satisfied.  It's our job to do our best and leave the rest of the mess to Jesus. 

In the end, it's about you and God.  It was never about you and them anyway... that's right.  What people think of you, what people say to you or about you, doesn't matter.  At the end of the world, and it is coming, the only thing that is going to matter is where you stand with God.  And forgiveness, and doing your best, and being happy and kind, and doing good... all of those things are going to impact where you stand. What hurtful things people say about you aren't going to matter to you.  All the times people have been jealous and tried to knock you don't won't count.  Those people who refused to accept your kindness and intentionally hurt you just aren't going to matter. It's just going to be you and Him... and HIs light will surround you and all of the darkness of the previous world is going to be in the past forever.

Sorry this has been such a long post.  I've just had a lot on my mind.  I'm signing my name to this one. No matter what anyone says or does, God is the victor, and His people are victorious.  Kind of like what they say at weddings, "What God has put together, let no man put asunder." And that's my stand... and I'm going to endure til the end. 

The Skies and the Heavens

Psalm 19:1, "For the director of music. A psalm of David. The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands."

The heavens declare... the skies proclaim. Why should we be any different?

Here's praying your skies are blue and full of sunshine and you cling to every piece and parcel of joy that comes your way on this long Labor Day Weekend.  Embrace His goodness and turn over anything bad to Him. 

My Redeemer LIves

"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth."- Job 19:25

The world can turn upside down in a moment.  We can be driving around, dodging all obstacles, thinking life is perfect, when suddenly we hit an unseen pothole and careen recklessly into thin air, pitching over the side of the hill.  (I once drove a car over a hill.  Even though it was over 28 years ago, I can still remember that it was no fun.  Especially for my Mom, who chased me down the hill in her high heels and pantyholes... )

So unexpected obstacles can be difficult, especially for this girl who had her life planned out at the age of 18.  My best bet is, you've had life throw you curve balls, too.  One good example of this is Job in the Bible.  Job lost his livestock and all of his kids on the same day. He was just sitting at home, minding his own business, when his servants began to arrive one after another.  Each one was bearing a little  bit more bad news. Then there was his Negativity Nancy wife, who told him to "curse God and die".  And then came his friends... if they were his friends, I'd hate to see his enemies.  They basically told him that he must have done something wrong to deserve all the trouble that was coming his way.  Trouble and hard times was seen as punishment for sin, and even though Job was righteous, they couldn't see how if he was so good how all of these bad things could be happening.  They delivered lengthy oratories declaring his so-called " badness".  Then, Job spoke up against all they were saying.  And even though as you read his words you get a sense of desperation, a sense that at the moment he couldn't really feel God's presence and wasn't really sure how God was working in his life, he attested to one belief. 

His Redeemer lives.  According to Dictionary.com, a redeemer is someone who "recovers" or "frees", who "regains" or "fulfills" or "makes amends for".  We needed a redeemer to make amends for sin we would commit, and continue to commit.  I need a redeemer daily.  What Job spoke of, though, came true... as soon as Satan got finished testing Job, and saw he would continue to be faithful, Job's wealth was "recovered".. he was given all he had and then some. 

And I think that's how our Redeemer works, too.  When we accept his sovereignity in our lives, He begins to multiply.  Any trial we go through ends in something bigger than we could have ever imagined.  Financial hardships lead to us being better off than we were to begin.  Having to work hard to obtain something leads to us appreciating where we came from. Troubles in relationships lead to sweeter togetherness after you work through issues. Because He is a recoverer.  He is one who fulfills our needs. He is a sustainer. 

So maybe you've had a rough week.. a rough year.  Maybe you feel like you'll never be good enough. Maybe you don't know why you keep trying. Maybe your marriage is on the rocks and someone ran over your dog.  Maybe you aren't sure why you're blue, but you are. Know this.  Your Redeemer, my Redeemer, lives.  He suffered on Calvary so that we can understand suffering here on Earth, so that He can empathize with us in our difficulties and intercede on our behalf to our Father, His Father.  He was nailed on the tree and went to a criminal death so that we could be pardoned. He descended into Hell and freed the captives and He is returning to free us from our misery here.  He has Redeemed us... and Our Redeemer lives.  And at the end, He will return in Beautiful glory and every knee will bow, every eye look upon Him and know that He is Lord.  Rocks will cry out and the mountains will rejoice and all of creation will sing of His glory.  We will live forever with Him, the Prince Charming that will never disappoint... Oh, the Hope of Glory... our Redeemer, can get us through whatever trials we go through down here.  It's so going to be worth it.