Tuesday, January 1, 2019

The Resolve not to Resolve

For the first year in a long while, today really didn't feel that special.

It may have been that I got up at 230 AM and stayed up until 630 AM, which meant I slept until 1030.

Every year on the 1st day of January I resolve to get up early... gonna get in the Word and get out of this funk.

(we all know that isn't going to happen)

Today, though, I rolled out of bed at 1005 and padded into the living room.

Same as yesterday...

I opened up my Kindle and pulled up a devotional to start anew... Praying through the Bible for Your Kids. It follows the One Year Bible reading plan, and goodness knows that I can't get behind.

I got out my brand new notebook and opened up to page one...

a blank page...

just like this year.

Except nothing is really that different.

I decided to stop ignoring the fact that I have a job to go back to next week and started to tackle paperwork that will be necessary when I go back.

A football game was on TV all day long... first the Cats, then Ohio State, then Georgia.

I managed to watch with one eye while I worked.

My to do list is still a foot long...

same as this time three weeks ago.

(The only thing new under the sun was that Kentucky won their New Year's Day bowl, so I guess I can't say it's all the same.)

I laced up my tennis shoes and bundled up and headed outside. The sky was overcast. The dead leaves blew under my feet and gravel crunched as I forced myself to pick up the pace... one minute run. Two minutes walk, Breathe in. Breathe out.

Same as six months ago.

Today really wasn't anything special...

but it's my life. And for the most part, it's a good one. I could get all caught up in the hype of "new opportunities" and "blank pages" and "day 1"...

but this year I'm resolving to be different.

Not resolving that this year will be different, although I desperately want it to be...

but that I will be different.

For so many years, I've been striving to improve...to be better... to be a success in whatever I choose is important.

And yes, I set goals, but they are just that... guiding points.

I don't need to be a better me.

I can't be.

Today was just like any other day...

except I relished in my walk.

I prayed as my feet hit the pavement.

I felt the breeze hit my skin.

I soaked in the words "In the beginning" and gave thanks that Jesus's genealogy has three women with less than perfect backgrounds and one woman who chose to believe that He is faithful.

I thought of who I am- how I really am still not even sure of what that means, much less of what I mean...

but reminded myself that He knows.

And in my resolve not to resolve to anything, I am confident that He is doing a new thing...

in me. And He'll do it in you, too.

The only thing I know for sure about this "new" year is that it truly does have limitless opportunities. Not because we choose to make them (although in many cases we can) but because He has a plan.

This year, I'm doing something different. Oh, I'll be concentrating on new habits and "improvement"... but I'm doing it looking to Him.

There will be struggles. I'll mess up. I'll falter. I'll probably want to throw in the proverbial towel...

but I'm choosing to seek Him, and I know that He's not fond of hide and seek...

He desires to be found.

I'm so looking forward to it...

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