Reflections on 2018

I love the week between Christmas and New Year's. I love the thought of "new" opportunities. I love the idea of wiping the slate clean and starting over, because most days I'm a hot mess full of mistakes and I'd need more than a Mr. Clean eraser to wipe up my disaster...

Except if 2018 has taught me anything, it's that everybody is their own kind of crazy.

And while I may feel like I'm a mess, I'm no more of a mess than the Pinterest perfect Mom in line behind me at Starbucks... and the lady behind me pulling on two crying kids in Walmart who honestly looks like she just wants to crawl under a rock and die? Well, sister... I'm no better than you.

As I said before, we all have our own kind of crazy...

And while 2018 has been tough (more than tough. A disaster, even though if you're on the outside looking in you might not realize it has been so bad, really... but it's all about perspective, and just like a patient you're assessing for pain is the authority, we are all the authority of how messed up our lives are) I've come through it alive.

And dare I say it? A better person.

I chose 2018 as my year of being fruitful, and I can't say I really achieved that. This hasn't been a great year for me to show the fruits of the spirit to anyone. I've struggled with kindness, gentleness, patience, and self-control. I've had to choose to love even when I really wanted to claw somebody's eyes out. I've not had a lot of joy and I sure haven't had a lot of peace...

But I've been reminded time and again this year of God's faithfulness. I've been reminded that in order to be fruitful, a tree must undergo pruning... a lot of dead stuff has to be cut away and that's what I feel like has happened to me in so many facets of my life. We get caught up in the status quo, and get complacent, and if we are complacent we grow stagnant... and we all know what lives in stagnant water.

Mosquitos that carry deadly viruses...

As I reflect back on my year, and look ahead to the next, I refuse to paint a pretty picture of change like I did at the beginning of last year.

You see, I can't change myself.

I can't change my circumstances.

I can, however, look to God to use those circumstances to change me. I can allow Him to complete His perfect work in my life.

This year, if I was checking off boxes to determine if it was a success or not, would probably be considered by most as a failure. As I go through my list of 18 "goals", I fell short in so many ways.

But as I said, I'm standing on the other side. I can look back and see growth potential... maybe in small increments, but it's there.

So I'm counting it as a win.

I didn't lose the weight I set out to lose... if anything, I put on a few more pounds. I didn't exercise near as much as I said I would... but I did "run" a 5K (mostly ran. But finished in a record time... of course, I had only finished one other one, so it didn't take much to beat my record).

I didn't memorize Scripture like I wanted. I am 50 pages away from reading my Chronological Bible all the way through (a goal which I think I will meet by this time tomorrow). However,  I didn't study His Word like I wanted. I didn't pray as much as I would have liked, and too often instead of turning to God when situations turned upside down, I decided to vent to others or at others.

I fell short on my goal of reading 150 books... but beat my last year total. 130 books isn't that bad =)

I didn't hike nearly as much as I wanted to. I did Explore Ky, though... visiting 30 new counties this year!

I didn't learn a new language. I did, however, learn more about the art of communication in relationships.

I didn't laugh every day, wasn't kind every day, and didn't always live in the present. I spent a lot of time worrying about the future... but I can honestly say that these last few months have found me appreciating the people around me much more.

My car is still a mess. My house isn't organized. My socks are in the drawer but aren't necessarily matched...

But I am happier. I am thankful. And those fruits of the Spirit?

I think they are budding a little more each day.

So, a blazing success? No...

but who cares about success? I'm choosing to live...

Thanks for the lessons, 2018. I can't say I'm sad to see you go... but I know that eventually I'll look back on you and the hard times won't be as prominent.

And the seeds that were planted will one day blossom into a fruitful tree...

because God's good like that.