This space has been pretty quiet this year. Was silent for almost six months, until last Friday. I felt compelled to write then, and since then, I've been out of words.
Or, maybe, I've been reflecting that maybe my words aren't right.
As I noted the word for the FMF linkup this week, stay, I thought of how this word has been on the forefront for many in our country this season.
We've been forced to stay-
stay at home.
stay away from church.
stay in our own worlds.
Stay- in one place.
But stay can also mean something else, and as the world has seemed to explode and protestors pour out into the street in droves, I was reminded of it's more literary meaning.
To curb, or check.
And that has been what this week has been for me.
For many of us.
A gut check.
Who am I in relation to my neighbor? And how do I relate to them?
What biases do I have without realizing them? And how do those biases impact my actions?
I've been trying to learn. I've downloaded books. I've read articles. I've followed some people on Twitter, and unfollowed some others. I've noted movies to watch. I've talked with Caleb, who is much more educated than I am.
But I keep asking myself, "What can I really do? How can I make a difference, a real difference, in Eastern Kentucky, where most people look like me and talk like me, even if they don't necessarily look like me?"
I'd like to have conversations... but there isn't really anyone to have those conversations with. And I know it's my responsibility. Nobody owes me any explanations...
So I'll keep digging. I"ll keep allowing myself to be uncomfortable, because growth can't happen when we stay in our comfort zone.
And I'll keep praying... because that's the most important thing I can do.
"They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay."- Psalm 18:18
The Lord will be our stay. Our support. Our protector.
May you feel it tonight, and know Him.
And may we not allow our hearts to stay as they have been. May we not let ourselves grow calloused. May we stay uncomfortable.
Keep praying, I think a lot of us feel this way. A fellow fmfer #4/
ReplyDeleteIn the end it may not matter
ReplyDeletewhat harmony we choose,
for there are those who'd shatter
our world, and we are used
to make a grim allowance,
to think it is the norm
when protest becomes violence,
and calm becomes the storm.
We have to see their faces,
thos who would have us hate,
and dig deep for God's graces
before it is too late
to stem the tide of wrath and blood
before we drown within its flood.
Lauren, these are beautiful words and I can identify with much of what you've said. I think this is a time of sifting and challenging for a lot of us. It's important not to run from those feelings of discomfort, as you say, but sit with them and let God use them to shape us. Thanks for writing.
ReplyDeleteJeannie (next to you in the linkup this week at #29)